next year maybe i will read this and laugh my head off

today i really should have stayed in bed. i try not to say that phrase too much because i don't want to be a debbie downer and i don't like whining, but today it's not so much emotional as financial.
because it just would have been cheaper to stay in bed today.

i woke up feeling sick and weepy. you know what i mean by weepy right? i don't mean emotional. i mean beyond that. like if emotional is a street lamp, weepy is like some star a billion light-years beyond it. i mean if i were to watch dumb and dumber right now, i would probably cry at the part where lloyd and harry get mad at each other. it's like that.

most people call in sick when they're sick. i only call in sick when i can't get out of bed, otherwise i wouldn't really have a job anymore. so i sit up, and if that goes ok i stand up, and if i'm still good i walk upstairs to where barclay is making brekkie [he makes me turkey bacon and eggs every single morning, i'm not even making that up] and if the food goes down ok then i'm good to go. sort of.
to make a long story a teensy bit shorter, this morning i ended up deciding to go to work.

i got in my car, backed out of the driveway, and started down the street, realizing at the moment that i started to go forward that my windshield was a bit on the foggy side. i could see out of it but felt like i should probably wipe it all off anyway. so, at the next available chunk of side-of-the-road [about a block or two later], i pulled over and got out of the vehicle.

sirens, lights, sirens, lights. i jumped out of my skin and back into my car. oh my heart.
i think that policemen should not be allowed to just sneak up behind you and just blare their sirens right in your ear. i made sure to give him a look that said 'how rude!' i made sure to point it at my steering wheel instead of him so that he wouldn't get mad at me.

but he got mad anyway. he came and yelled at me about killing people and driving dangerously and killing people and driving dangerously and paying a fine. and then he gave me a ticket. not a movie ticket, not a concert ticket, a, like, a ticket ticket. for 125 bucks, for having a foggy windshield. and i sat there and cried and cried because that's what happens when you yell at a weepy girl, these weird snort/sob/gaspy/wail things. he probably thought it was me trying to get sympathy but i didn't need his sympathy; i felt sorry for myself enough for the both of us.

at this point, please do not comment and say, "well he was right, you shouldn't have been driving with a foggy windshield."
because i know that. that's why i pulled over. it's just lame and i'm weepy and i feel like my head is falling off.
and yes, tomorrow, i'll absolutely wipe my window off before i leave.

anyway, here is a picture of a house that i took with my phone on sunday. i thought it looked nice in person, and i think it sort of looks nice in picture too.

smilers never lose, and frowners never win

i'm going to a party.
it's a wedding party and it's shlee's wedding party.
BECAUSE! she's getting MARRIED on SATURDAY!
i'm going to be the maid of honor, and joy's going to take the pictures and we'll all probably eat too much.
everyone, all together now, wave at your computer screen and say, "HAPPY WEDDING, SHLEE!!"
if you didn't, you maybe still could, just now.
as for the riddle:

the answer is nascar!!!

but i'm just kidding:

the answer is a splinter!!!


 c to the rystal and kelly ann and joni got it right.
and what do they win, bob?

A [look at a crappy picture of a] HOUSE!!!!

first things first and third things last and middle things second

ok. first things first: my friend joy [who took our wedding pictures], entered a couple of them in a photo contest. i feel a bit vain doing this [just because i happen to be in my wedding pictures] but she's just starting out and i think it would be cool if she won. she's a dang good photographer and i really love her pictures. you can vote for her here [before may 17]. please don't think i'm vain.
but i do have a blog, so i guess i'm probably a little bit vain. rats.

second things second: my friend erinn [remember her? she's the one traveling all around the world for a whole year] sent me a house to add to my collection. well not a whole house. but a picture of a whole house. would you like to see it? of course you would. ladies and gentlemen, all the way from new zealand...
...a house [yay!]:

and last things third:
i really am sorry for being a whiner this past week. i'm going to try to do better at the whole "when life gives you lemons --" oh. that reminds me.
today, barclay and i went for supper with kiersten and jordan. halfway through the evening, for some reason or another, or maybe just because i was feeling snarky, i picked the lemon wedge out of my water glass and hucked it at my husband. [i know, i'm lame.] it slid down his neck in that gloppy way that lemons slide down necks, and he just calmly wiped it off and guess what he said?
"well, when wife gives you lemons..."

i think we need to learn to laugh at this stuff otherwise we'll just cry all the time part, what, five? this is getting ridiculous

i came into the bedroom today and walked over to the dresser and my foot said, "squoosh."
squoosh?
i looked at barclay.
i looked down.
i was standing in a puddle.
oh bother.
i shifted my weight from foot to foot.
"squoosh, squoosh, squoosh squoosh."
i wasn't going to whine at all in today's post, because i feel like it's all i've been doing lately, and whining is lame. so i resolved to be chipper. even though the cathedral village garage sale got cancelled, and even though i've been overly nauseous ALL DAY, and even though it's snowing outside [hey, clouds, it's may first!]. and then i came home and my bedroom was all soggy.
i still might not whine. but i will say this: AAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
say, i know what might cheer us all up! [assuming you're as sad about my soggy toes as i am]
houses.

that should do it.
oh ALSO. i need to point out the fact that [this time] the flooded basement is not my fault. i haven't done laundry since tuesday.
[it's not barclay's fault either. there's a new crack in the wall. how'd that get there?]

the obligatory weekend summary post

my weekend faired on the side of most good.
i threw a party for shlee, rode around in the back of marty's van sprawled out on bean bag chairs listening to vince guaraldi's Christmas music on tape, went to guzz's 80th birthday party where a very nice elderly woman swore at me, got my first sunburn of 2010, and listened to a good amount of louis armstrong while baking cookies.
and now i'm in need of some gratuitous amounts of shut-eye. but first, i'm sitting here desperately guzzling liquids of all sorts.
in the morning, i will wake up in so much pain that i can barely sit up as my over-full bladder fills my tummy like a hot water bottle.
[i did this last night, and the night before--
it's not that i never learn; i'm just so thirsty.]

i can't decide if i would rather go to bed thirsty, or wake up waterlogged. 

so i'm going to do as so many others these days and do what feels good right now, here in this moment, and worry about the consequences tomorrow.
i feel a life lesson coming on...

suzy, the neighborhood creep

i have nothing for you tonight, except another house.

someone asked me the other day, "what is it with your new house obsession?"
i feel like they maybe thought it was weird and creepy to go about taking pictures of strangers' houses. truth. 
well i don't know. i was just walking and there was this house on the corner--just where it always has been--but this time it needed its picture taken. and i couldn't not. so you see, i had to.
and there's something nice about taking a picture of a house; a house is quite big and slow-moving, so it is easy to capture in a camera--much unlike a hummingbird or a cheetah. also, i live in a city, so i am not in short supply of houses to take pictures of. also, houses usually come with a tree or two, and trees are pretty dang poetic, which is always good because poetry is definitely necessary in every instance.
you know what else i like? fences.
for all of the same reasons.

tomorrow, i'm going to try something new.

we're going to kentucky

i was sitting at my desk
there was a large, bearded man painting the wall next to me.
he was alternately singing and whistling "goin' to kentucky"--not the whole song, just the line he knew--over and over.
now i have "goin' to kentucky" stuck firmly in my head.
not the whole song, just the one line.
"we're goin to kentucky, we're goin to the fair, to see a senorita with flowers in 'er hair."
i think people who are bold enough to sing in public are beautiful. even the fat hairy ones.

love-sick

i'm in a romantic mood today. being sick does that to me. 

i LOVE being sick.

no, i don't like the leaky face, or the achy belly, or even the helium head. 

but.

i love how, when i got home from work yesterday, i didn't even stick my key in the lock and the door swung open, and there was barclay, and he pulled me in and gave me a hug and a hot water bottle and there was a nest of blankets on the couch and imogen heap spinning in the cd player and home-made barley soup in a nice big bowl waiting for me. still steaming. 

and i love how he carries me around and kisses my sweaty hair and wipes the mascara from under my eyes.

and i love how he just sits with me for hours on end and makes sure my hair doesn't get on my face [because it might tickle my eyes and wake me up] while i'm passed out with my head in his lap.

and i love how this morning when i woke up, i looked like a raccoon and a drowned rat and a disoriented drunk all at once and he still kissed my forehead and said, "you are such a babe."

i could maybe write an essay about how much i love being sick.

but maybe it would end up being more about how much i love barclay.

anyways. here is a very cute video to go along with my very sappy post.

oh! and a house! can't forget the house.

in the event that your first impression really is everything i may have to retire from meeting people as i'm getting exceedingly more bad at it part 3

blurt  (blûrt)  
tr.v.   blurt·ed, blurt·ing, blurts
to utter suddenly and impulsively
i thought maybe i would eventually get better at first impressions, considering i've been practicing meeting people ever since i was a wee thing. 
wrong.
it had to happen today. because yesterday, FIL said something along the lines of, "it's been a while since you've said something really stupid." 
and then my brain was like, "wow. FIL is right. i miss saying stupid things," and promptly took the next available opportunity to say something stupid, which happened to be this morning. that's the way life works, in case you didn't know. 
i ran into cheryl mckay this morning. she had a blonde girl with her, who i'd never met before but recognized from [gulp] facebook, where i'd noticed she was dating a guy i know named calvin*.
"suzy, this is my friend, alice*," cheryl explained.
instead of saying, "hi," or "hi, my name is suzy," or even, "i creepishly know who you are from pictures on facebook," [which, by the way, is definitely how i introduced myself to sharmane last week] i enthusiastically exclaimed, "oh, you're calvin's girlfriend!" 
i love to have a connecting point with a stranger. i imagined her saying, "YES! how do you know him?" and i'd explain how i knew him and say something good like, "he sure is a nice person," and we'd be instant pals and maybe even facebook buddies. 
but actually, if i imagine things going one way [right], they usually go a different way[wrong]. that's the way life works, in case you didn't know. 
because she got this strange look on her face and said, "um, no..."
cheryl made a startled face at me.
"well, not anymore..." alice clarified.
today i got to be one of those people who rub your recent break-up in your face. 
rats.
...
house?

*names changed because i'm embarrassed

do YOU want to know how sick i am?

i am so sick. 

my face is a waterpark. my nose is a car horn. 

my fingers are icicles and my feet are on fire.

a miniature armadillo crawled into my throat and is running his tiny little claws up and down my throat.

it sounds like nails on a chalkboard. 

it's so loud. somebody shoot that armadillo, please. 

and what's this? a headache?

my head might fall off!

what if my head falls off?

no more complaining.

you'd like that, wouldn't you? you'd be all, "finally. her head fell off. no more complaining."

and then i'd be like, "                                     ."

anyways. 

here is another house.

meet theresa

this is the first picture from my house hunting extravagavenger hunt yesterday.
[i've walked past this building a million times without ever seeing the laughing man/woman on the side.]
i'll post more. i have 45. i don't really know what my fascination with houses is all of a sudden. it's kind of like the time i became enthralled with pencils in the fourth grade and collected tins and tins of pencils. one day, i tried to wear all of my pencils to school by attaching them to various pieces of clothing. i had 100 pencils. this was a stupid idea and i'm not sure why my mom let me leave the house like that. i bet she was relieved when i started collecting stickers, and also when i didn't try to wear all of my stickers to school.

anyways.
another thing i did yesterday was eat vegetarian food with lauren. i love vegetarian food, but i also love meat, so there's a wee bit of a tension there. but the point is not that.
the point is that as we were chowing down on tofu [or whatever it was, exactly, that was in our animal-free cuisine], a little hand  reached up over the table and quietly nabbed lauren's cell phone.

her name was theresa and she was a five year old techno-geek and it became apparent early on that she only wanted us for our technology.
but we liked her just fine anyway.