we're going to kentucky

i was sitting at my desk
there was a large, bearded man painting the wall next to me.
he was alternately singing and whistling "goin' to kentucky"--not the whole song, just the line he knew--over and over.
now i have "goin' to kentucky" stuck firmly in my head.
not the whole song, just the one line.
"we're goin to kentucky, we're goin to the fair, to see a senorita with flowers in 'er hair."
i think people who are bold enough to sing in public are beautiful. even the fat hairy ones.

on the verge of speechless

i'm getting married in three days.
i'm getting married in three days.
i'm getting married in three days.

i used to hate reading books about married women because i felt that marriage should be the end of a great love story, not the beginning or even the middle.
well i've changed my mind.

i like to make fun

i just saw a commercial for a product that sort of colors over your grey hairs, but not completely. so you can "look like you have experience, but like you're energetic at the same time!" (their words, not mine)
i wanted to make fun of it, but i'm terribly, terribly alone today.
that's pretty much why i have a blog.
so we have a product that "sort of" colors over your grey hairs. why not just buy and use half a bottle of hair color? or half a can of grey paint... or leave your hair the way it is? or dye it brown? i don't know, did we really need another option?
i'm going to invent a product that helps you to lose weight but not too much weight, so that you can "look festively plump, but like you're a supermodel at the same time".
or how about a product that helps you to get rid of zits, but not ALL your zits, or something that whitens your teeth but leaves them a little bit yellow.
people will buy anything, as long as you sell it right.

sign language

there's this electronic sign on the side of the ring road highway. when the roads are icy, the sign says "drive slow--icy roads".
when all the cars see this sign, they slam on their brakes. last week, a truck movin at 120 km/h slammed on his brakes at the sign, slowing to a speed of about 60 km/h, forcing me to slam on my brakes. on the icy roads.
this is lame. i'm going to die because of a warning sign.
this same sign often says, "don't drink and drive". it's in the middle of the highway. i think, by that point, if you are drinking and driving, it's a little too late to do anything about it. this sign should be something you see right outside the bar, not halfway home.
the same sign warns of fog (when it's foggy) and snow (when it's snowy).
what are they gonna do in the summer when we're not getting precipitation? will the sign say, "it's sunny out, drive fast"?
maybe, instead of sending out birthday cards this year, i'll get in contact with the sign people and get them to write neat things like, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY [friend's name]. FROM SUZY"

something else to worry about

i'm watching a tv show called "the doctors". it's a show on 5 minute cures...
there's a cure for canker sores... a cure for snoring...a cure for headaches... a cure for back pain...
and what's this? a cure for...flat chins?
flat chins. is flat chins an ailment? do they hurt? and even more importantly, do i have one?
i went and checked, just now. uhm...i don't think it's flat. but it has a zit on it. rats.
this is what's stupid about the way it is: you grow up in this happy, oblivious little world, thinking everything is beautiful and not even noticing your own face in the mirror, unless your mom tells you to wash it. but then, as you grow, people randomly inform you that you are, in fact, imperfect. you are, in fact, ugly because of this. "you think your nose is nice? your mom likes your nose? you got it from your grandpa? it's too big. you're ugly."
who decided that flat chins need to be fixed? who decided that eyes could be too close together or too far apart?
did you know that in the victorian era, pasty white and fat was hot? and, according to the pictures, everyone had gross frizzy hair. but that was hot too.
pause. reflect.
wanna see a cute little kid on drugs?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HyrHKOkD6QQ

my heart

ready for it? i'm going to write a serious blog entry. about feelings and junk. here goes:
i'm mad.
and i think it's mostly irrational.
but a little not.
thank you, people of the dark room, for hearing me out.