itwalkedonmypillow.blogspot.com began even in the midst of two basic cognitions of mine:
1) blogs are for dweebs*
2) girls are not funny
my premise was somewhat this:
if you have a blog, you are one of the following:
a) a girl with an intense desire for affirmation and/or for everyone to know exactly what's going on in your life, feel sympathy or empathy for you (but mostly sympathy because you're pretty sure no one can possibly understand how hard life is for you, you who are probably a pretty devout follower of simple plan or some other such emo "punk" band who "gets it"), and leave you the heck alone, but comment every once in a while just so you know they're there
b) a boy who is funny
c) a girl who thinks she is as funny as a boy. (see #2, above)
d) a keener who knows a lot of big words and would like to talk philosophy with you
so when my friend, megan, confessed that she had a blog, i was a bit sad.
"i thought you were cool," i told her.
i don't remember what happened next, but somehow she peer-pressured me into having a blog too.
i picked a name, which happens to be my favorite line** from a tv show i used to watch, and wrote my first entry, about how i was going to write a blog now, and how it probably wasn't going to be very good, and how i didn't know what to write about.
and then i deleted it.
and then i wrote another one.
and i deleted that one too.
then i wrote one and made myself leave it there. and spent the rest of the day feeling squeamish that i had somehow participated in something so shamefully embarrassing that it felt wrong.
and now, somehow, i'm here, and i'm addicted to the very thing that i made fun of. i'm trapped in a cyberweb world of words.
since megan, i've met other bloggers who are not completely nerdy, and i feel like maybe it's ok to indulge in a little bit of geekiness with them. it's not supposed to be an emotional feelings-baring soul-searching thing, and i'm not trying to make you laugh. i just like writing. that's all. i like words, and fitting them together like a musician would music notes. it's like sports or art or cooking or sewing or pottery; it doesn't matter if you're good at it. you just do it because you like it. and i suspect practise doesn't make you any worse at it.
as a result, i don't really care what you do with it. come. read it. leave. leave...a comment? come back. whatever.
*i researched the word "dweeb" before using it in this post, and thought i would share my findings with you, as i learned some things i didn't know before. according to dictionary.com, a geek is any smart person with an obsessive interest, a nerd is the same but also lacks social grace, and a dweeb is a mega-nerd.
**"it's a bird!"
"i KNOW it's a bird--i'm ON the PHONE!"
"it walked on my pillow!"