fishing for compliments

"my hair is stupid."

"suzy. it looks good. i like it like that."

"IT'S SO DUMB."

"suzy. it looks good. i like it like that."

"ugh. i hate going to restaraunts. all the waitresses are gorgeous and perfect and here i just look like a shlubber."

"oh no. not a shlubber."

"yes. a shlubber in a barf bag. yuck."

"well look at me--i haven't showered today. i'm a greaser."

"yeah, but you don't have to compete with the waitresses. there are no man waitresses at mongoli grill."

"there are no man waitresses anywhere."

"what did you say?"

"nothing."

"no, what did you say?"

"mmmmmmm nothing."

"baaaaarclaaaaayyyy..."

"it's a boy secret."

"but...just...tell me..."

"do you want to be a BOY?!"

[jen wilson took this picture]

a joy and fume-induced post

REJOICE WITH ME!!!

are you rejoicing with me? you'll have to be fairly obvious about it, as i can't hear you. 

rejoiceful reason number one:

barclay invested in three mighty-sized cans of SPIDER BLASTER and today he SPIDER BLASTED those 20-million-legged freaks in the basement [otherwise known as sow bugs] to kingdom come!

i'm feeling soooo rejoiceful right now. 

my husband is a manly-centipede-killing-machine.

but i have a headache from the fumes and we are going to have to vacate our house for the evening. 

oh well!

rejoiceful reason number two:

i have a new eco-friendly telephone.

ta-da! see how green it is? 

AND. 

it takes better pictures than my camera. 

[this is not saying much.]

rejoiceful reason number three?

well, you think of one how about. 
let me know. 
i'll rejoice with you.
i'm a good rejoicer.

seven lists

1. wow. it's friday AGAIN. it's ALWAYS friday. if i had a toonie for every time it was friday, i'd have enough money to buy mongolia and fill it with paper airplaines made out of very expensive cardstock.
2. i've had this skirt for well over a year now--maybe a year and a half, even--and i just now realized it still has the remove before washing or wearing tag on it.
3. yesterday, after calling in sick to work, i trekked back to bed only to find another one of those centipede things walking on my pillow. i became very distraught and a little bit mad. BUG! this is MY pillow!
4. BUT. barclay cheered me up by making a fort-bed in the living room and sleeping upstairs with me last night--AND promising to buy me some spider-blaster azap so that we can reclaim our bedroom.
5. barclay says, "those are not centipedes. they are not christopher walken. they are called sow bugs." i don't care. they are going to kill me.
6. i love the thesaurus. i looked up "awesome" in the thesaurus, and they gave me "zero-cool" as a synonym. i thought that was awesome. i mean, i thought that was zero-cool.
7. about one time every year, i foolishly decide i can cut my own bangs. with the same scissors i use to chop the tops off of freezies.
8. my bangs look AWFUL. sorry shlee, i am about to ruin your wedding pictures.
9. i really, really am sorry. bad bridesmaid. woe is me. and other self-loathing exclamatory remarks.
10. i just drank four glasses of water in rapid succession. burble burble. my lungs are drownding.
11. did you GO to google.com today? you can play pacman on the google masthead. it is a massive time-waster and i love it.

first things first and third things last and middle things second

ok. first things first: my friend joy [who took our wedding pictures], entered a couple of them in a photo contest. i feel a bit vain doing this [just because i happen to be in my wedding pictures] but she's just starting out and i think it would be cool if she won. she's a dang good photographer and i really love her pictures. you can vote for her here [before may 17]. please don't think i'm vain.
but i do have a blog, so i guess i'm probably a little bit vain. rats.

second things second: my friend erinn [remember her? she's the one traveling all around the world for a whole year] sent me a house to add to my collection. well not a whole house. but a picture of a whole house. would you like to see it? of course you would. ladies and gentlemen, all the way from new zealand...
...a house [yay!]:

and last things third:
i really am sorry for being a whiner this past week. i'm going to try to do better at the whole "when life gives you lemons --" oh. that reminds me.
today, barclay and i went for supper with kiersten and jordan. halfway through the evening, for some reason or another, or maybe just because i was feeling snarky, i picked the lemon wedge out of my water glass and hucked it at my husband. [i know, i'm lame.] it slid down his neck in that gloppy way that lemons slide down necks, and he just calmly wiped it off and guess what he said?
"well, when wife gives you lemons..."

friday list number 2

1. if i could be any inanimate object in the world, i would pick to be an easy-bake oven. because: they are warm and have nice little cakes and cupcakes inside of them.
2. today, i wanted to use the word colloquialism in a sentence in a letter, and i thought spell checker was gonna kick my butt and be all, "you are stupid and can't spell and we don't even know what word you're trying to make with all those stupid, weeny letters", but no. i spelled it right on the first try. i feel so smart.
3. colloquialism. i bet you don't even know what that means. 
4. my least favorite word is prudent. [except i really like the song "dear prudence" by the beatles.]
5. if barclay could be any inanimate object in the world, he would pick to be the northern lights, because people would think he was cool and he could dance. [but i don't think this is a very good answer because northern lights dance, and are therefore not all that inanimate and really aren't 'an object'. maybe he thought i asked, 'if you could be any animate thing in world, what would you be?' probably.] [to be fair, it was about 2 o'clock in the morning and he was trying to sleep when i asked him.]
6. i put a little bit too much lime in my water bottle today, and have been wearing a kind of sour face all day as a result.
7. have i ever told you about the time i convinced a camp counsellor that i was twins for a whole week?
8. my favorite thing about grade 2 was putting daisies in food colored water and watching them turn colors. i might do that when i get home tonight.
9. alas. i have no daisies. it's not quite flower season yet.

if you could be any inanimate object in the world, what would you be and why?

love-sick

i'm in a romantic mood today. being sick does that to me. 

i LOVE being sick.

no, i don't like the leaky face, or the achy belly, or even the helium head. 

but.

i love how, when i got home from work yesterday, i didn't even stick my key in the lock and the door swung open, and there was barclay, and he pulled me in and gave me a hug and a hot water bottle and there was a nest of blankets on the couch and imogen heap spinning in the cd player and home-made barley soup in a nice big bowl waiting for me. still steaming. 

and i love how he carries me around and kisses my sweaty hair and wipes the mascara from under my eyes.

and i love how he just sits with me for hours on end and makes sure my hair doesn't get on my face [because it might tickle my eyes and wake me up] while i'm passed out with my head in his lap.

and i love how this morning when i woke up, i looked like a raccoon and a drowned rat and a disoriented drunk all at once and he still kissed my forehead and said, "you are such a babe."

i could maybe write an essay about how much i love being sick.

but maybe it would end up being more about how much i love barclay.

anyways. here is a very cute video to go along with my very sappy post.

oh! and a house! can't forget the house.

auntie suzy & uncle barclay

my husband and i are lazing around. he's playing video games and i'm blogging. i hear mario theme music coming from the tv, the ping ping ping of mario shooting koopa troopas, and the affable pop! when he jumps on a goomba. i get distracted for a moment and google our new niece's name to see if it has any cool meanings or famous people's names attached to it. "skye."

the first entry that comes up is about the isle of skye in scotland. i'm delighted. here is an opportunity to sound smart. i shut down the window and lean back from the computer, combing my fingers through my admittedly-i-should-have-washed-it-today hair.

i casually glance at barclay. mario is carefully making his way through bowser's castle.

"so," i say, in my best nonchalant voice, "did lydia name skye after the isle of skye, the largest and most northerly island in the inner hebrides of scotland?" or something to that effect.

he pauses. mario races on. "i never thought of that. i don't know."

he looks at me.

i smile sweetly.

cue puzzled face.

"wait. why did you even think of that?"

i smile sweeterly. er. "i'm smart. i know stuff."

he doesn't even blink. "but seriously, why did you think of that?"

burn.

so i guess he didn't marry me for my brains.

for the record, he feels bad for inadvertently insulting his dear wife, me, and wishes me not to paint him as being a bad guy or call him a "goomba" in this post.

so i'll direct your attention to skye ellery, the cutest little goomba you ever did see.

"three little peppers and how they grew" or, "how barclay krause saved my life"

we were driving in his truck, playing the Game. 

oh right, you don't know about the Game yet. it's our game, we invented it. i name two characters or people who have distinct voices, and barclay has to imitate both of them at the same time. (example: i say "jim carrey as the grinch aaaaaaanddd....let's say....elmer fudd." and he somehow manages to sound like jim carrey as the grinch and elmer fudd at the same time. and then i laugh for a half hour and give him another one.)

so i was about to begin round two of the Game, but he cut me off. "SUZY. LOOK AT ME."

so i did. a little concerned. a little flustered. 

he said, "trust me. don't look out your window. just look at me. keep looking at me." 

he drove a little faster, turned a corner, pulled over, hopped out of the truck. before he shut the door behind him he instructed me to keep staring out his window. 

so i did. a little wierded out. a little confused.

then, behind my head, there was a gentle thud. 

barclay got back into the truck then. 

smiled at me. pulled away from the curb. 

suddenly, i just knew what he was up to.

"there was a spider behind my head, wasn't there?"

he nodded. "a big white one. i didn't want you to see it."

and then we went back to our Game.

isn't he the sweetest thing?

rubbernecker

i perused walmart with barclay last night. we found things to make fun of, and then we made fun of them. it's entertainment that can last you for hours if you're good at making fun of things.
don't worry, we're not jerks. we weren't making fun of people, just things. advertising, and lame packaging, and odd products. example: deoderant which advertises that it "DOES 7 THINGS!!!" but doesn't tell you what. i only really want my deoderant to do two things: keep me dry and sweaty-free. if it's going to make my armpits sparkle, or help me pick up men, i don't want it. i can't even think of 3 more things deoderant could possibly do. any ideas?
oh, but i did make fun of one person recently.
he drove into a parking garage wall while watching me watch him drive into the parking garage wall. i think he thought i was checking him out. haha...well no dude you're like 16. i was just watching him drive into a wall. and it was funny.
am i a jerk?