Tuesday, August 25, 2009

stu the stealer

i did something wrong today. something illegal. but we'll get back to that in a moment. [don't worry, gramma, this story has a happy ending.]
this trying new things thing is great. except, i've had trouble finding new things to try. oh, don't get me wrong--your suggestions were great. but i don't have a kitchen, so i couldn't bake cookies for my boss, and i don't have an iron, so i couldn't iron wrinkles into my clothes, and french fries and ice cream is not something i havn't tried before (sorry, breanne), and wouldn't you know it, jannaya has never done an embarrassing thing in her LIFE! that i know of. you may enlighten us, jannaya, if you feel like it.
but. i did find two new things to try this week: installing laminate flooring, and shoplifting.
the installing laminate flooring thing was nice; i'll put up a picture of it later when it's finished. the shoplifting thing i will try never to do again, because it's illegal.
i stole four spools of purple ribbon from walmart. i picked them up and was carrying them around, on my open palms, clapping them together loudly as i walked through the aisles, completely obnoxiously.
then i started daydreaming [about barclay, obviously]. and, carrying my merchandise in my outstretched hands, making all the racket in the world with it, i strolled past the cashier and out the open doors, hood up, smile on my face.
no one even stopped me.
the moral of the story: if you act like your not doing anything wrong, you can get away with anything. OH, AND: stealing is bad.
but don't worry, i took the ribbon back and paid for it. and the cashier was just tickled pink that i was so honest.
i even donated a dollar to some children's charity, which made her even more tickled pink. but when she gave me the donor card to sign my name on, i was already so flustered that all i could think to write was "STU".

1 comment:

SJ said...

I heart you so much! I wish you lived closer to me and were in my life on a regular basis!