Thursday, January 13, 2011

the Thoughtlings

there's this thing that i do, this way that i am.
i'll tell you about it, but you really have to not worry that i'm asking for compliments or whining or anything like that. i'm a happy camper, and in general i like lots of the things about the way that life is. 

but the point is not that.

the point is that in maybe my fourth or fifth year {of life} i decided for whatever reason that whenever someone was laughing, they were laughing at me, or whenever someone was talking in low tones, they were discussing something that was wrong with me, or whenever someone looked in my general direction, they were thinking something bad about me. 

this Thought kind of skittered along behind me for most of elementary school, jumped into my backpack in junior high, then crawled into my ears and laid eggs inside my brain in high school. i now have all sorts of baby Thoughtlings living in my cerebellum {for lack of a better word} {or just to sound intelligent}. 
they are very rude. 
i mostly just let them wander around unattended and say whatever they feel like. 

that is absolutely not a good idea but the point is not that either.

the real point is that, to be honest with you, i'm bad at receiving compliments and kind words and rewards because i never feel like i've earned them AND i never feel like the giver could possibly mean them--even if said giver is eyesmiling.

so anyways.

tomorrow is my last day at work. 
the office ladies threw me a picnic IN THE LIBRARY over the lunch hour in honour of 
i got so excited i almost fell over--a PICNIC in the LIBRARY. for ME. the thought. 

the thought.

we had vietnamese food and cupcakes and i ate too much and then my boss sat me down in a corner and put a plate of truffles in front of me and made me eat every last one. {i will be full of truffles til the cows come home.} and then my coworkers said all sorts of nice things about how they like me and will miss me and hope i come back to visit often.

i don't know if it was the cupcakes or the stern way i was commanded to finish my truffles, but i believed the words and accepted the compliments and let them make me feel happy.

it was a very good day.

upon thinking all these things through, i've decided that it is probably a good thing to have a balanced opinion about oneself; acknowledging and dealing with the bad things and acknowledging and appreciating the good things. 
a Thoughtling infestation is no good. 
i'm going to fumigate.


Kayla said...

That is the sweetest and coolest thing ever. I'm glad you were able to brush some Thoughtlings away and let it be a very good day.

Gale said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Gale said...

i'm the same way with compliments. and i know for a fact that thoughtling infestation is really no good.

that picnic sounds/looks amazing and lovely! im glad you had a great day :]

Carrie Lynn said...

I just added "have a picnic in the library" to my bucket list.

SarahAnn said...

Ugh. I have a terrible time thinking others are thinking/saying bad things about me. It's a frightful way to live.

Chantelle said...

Funny how different people are cause if 'I' were 'You' I'm pretty sure I'd spend my days looking in the mirror at my beautiful face, laughing at my comic abilities, and patting myself on the back for how genuinely I come across to others and how very much I brighten their days.

Just sayin'

anna p of just me. said...

you fumigate those suckers!
it is difficult accepting compliments, but i've found that complimenting yourself every once in awhile helps me accepting of compliments others might offer you from time to time.

you are wonderful! i promise. :)

bebe bird beck said...

You are the cutest thing ever. Love reading your blog.
I have lots of little thoughtlings and have struggled with them since jr high. blah! Love the days when I can just get rid of them for awhile though.
That picnic in the library looks perfect! How sweet!

suzy said...

kayla: me too. :) it's very worth it.

gale: i wish for you a fumigation that will knock your socks off. heehee. because you're talented and pretty and you should accept compliments like that cuz they're true.

carrie lynn: good, it's magic. you'll LOVE it.

sarah ann: it really is. i'm going to figure out how to stop. i'll let you know. or vice versa if you find out first.

chantelle: you're a sweetheart. :)

anna p: thanks. :) i'll try take that advice.

amber: thank you! i hope you can get rid of your thoughtlings too--it's funny to me to think someone like you would struggle with them.
people are funny.