Thursday, March 11, 2010

ambassailment 2010

it was wednesday, march 10, 2010. yesterday, to be precise.
the office was abuzz as i gathered my troops and distributed the ammunition. the fax machine whirred efficiently in the background, joined by the symphony of photo copiers, keyboards, phones; the odd closing door or footstep as the percussion.
against this musical backdrop, we moved stealthily to our positions. there were four of us, and only one of him.
he was doomed.
i took up my post at the desk. cheryl tucked in behind, lynette in front, dallas behind a wall on the other side of the hallway. i glanced hungrily at the ammo: two large handfuls each of small, creamy caramels. the kind of thing that is seemingly delicious and harmless, but bites like the sting of a hornet upon contact with your skin, if flung at a high velocity. which was exactly what we intended to do.
candy bullets. the best kind.
ben came around the corner. smiled. "hey, what's up?" so unassuming. so innocent. so dead.
i smiled back. paused. waited for him to get a little bit closer. screamed at the top of my lungs, right in his face, "ATTAAAAACK!!!!!!!!"
caramel shrapnel rained down on him, and the storm was over before he could even turn to retreat.
he stood there for a moment in stunned silence before raising a hand to his face, as if to make sure it was still intact. "what... ow. my nose."
my army disassembled as quickly as they'd come together. i sat down and got right back to work.
ben just stood there, looking confused. "you're dismissed," i told him.
because at the office, we can't very well waste time just standing around.

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