showering with all my clothes on

i went through this phase once where every time i ate an apple, i washed it first with dish soap (because i saw a dirty guy digging through the apple pile at the grocery store and i imagined bacteria crawling off his hands and onto an apple and off the apple and onto my tongue and off my tongue down my throat and into my every part of me and making me sick.)
but i stopped doing that because i don't like dish soap, so i stopped liking apples, and i got all unhealthy and probably fat and greasy.
then i went through this phase where i couldn't eat ham, because someone told me that if you pour coke on a piece of ham, stuff will crawl out of it.
but i don't think that's true. so i had my first ham sandwich in months this past weekend.
anyways.
i had two wedding showers this weekend. and they were practically perfect in every way (just like mary poppins). the best part of all of them was my cousin hannah's mad poetry/harmonizing song-singing skillz. you all should have been there for that. maybe i'll get her to do a repeat performance at my wedding...
the most embarrassing part of all of them was that now all the nice ladies of frontier know about the time the acrobats from cirque du soleil invited us to do drugs with them in their hotel room. thank you patricia, for sharing that at my church shower. (but i still love you.)
oh, for the sake of clarification and for you all not thinking i would do something like that, we did go on our sweet and innocent little ways without taking them up on their offer.