do you know of david crowder?
well, luckily for you, two weeks ago while brushing my teeth i decided, in between spits, to interview him so that, even if you've never heard of him, you can knowledgeably spout useless information about him to your friends/boss/parents/sister/bus driver. and luckily for me, once i decide to do something, i do it.
here is an excerpt from our conversation.
i opened by saying my hihowareyous, and then saying something about how his songs and music videos were brilliant--because they absolutely are. i didn't want to sound like too much of a suck-up though, and besides, famous people are just people with the word "famous" in front, so we cut pretty quick to the q&a section of the interview. my first question was in light of all of his previous song-writing experience.
me: if you could take credit for having written any song, book, or--
dc: happy birthday.
me: what. just cuts me off--you didn't let me finish my question.
dc: oh, sorry. go on.
me: ok. if you could take credit for having written any song, book, or movie, what would you pick?
dc: mmm...yeah. i'm sticking with happy birthday.
me: really. any book. ANY movie. there are a lot of good books out there. a lot of good songs...
dc: yes, but what of them has brought as much happiness to people all around the world for ages and ages as happy birthday? happy birthday. i pick happy birthday. definitely.
i thought this answer was sub-par, for the record. i was hoping for a deep literary reference or obscure hard-to-watch indie movie, or even a track off a gaither's album. but nope, there it was. happy birthday. he continued to defend his answer, but i just shook my head, and launched into my next question, hoping he'd do better with it, because after all--did you watch that first music video?
me: so david, you're invited to a halloween party--
dc: thank you.
me: yeah, ok, so you're invited to this halloween costume party, and you can use whatever props you want--money is no object, and neither is reality. you want to be a cave man and bring a dinosaur, you can; you want to be a surfer and bring the ocean, you can: what would you be?
dc: wow. wow. uh..i don't think...i've ever been asked that before. good. good question. wow. um....
here i wait patiently. i mostly look at his beard a lot.
dc: ok. i know this is going to sound like a safe answer, and maybe boring, probably, but i, actually, would be a firefighter.
me: a firefighter. happy birthday, and a firefighter. really.
dc: ok, ok, but my props would be a firetruck--a firetruck and one of those dogs that always ride around in firetrucks. that would be pretty cool, i think.
me: oh, well ok. well that'd be good then. and fire?
dc: i'm worried about the fire. i don't think i'd have fire.
me: no? you're a fireman. you can bring any, any prop, and you wouldn't bring some fire? a dog and a truck, no fire. happy birthday, and a fireless firefighter.
dc: well...no. no, i don't think that'd be very safe.
me: you could get someone to hold a lighter and walk around the party and you could occasionally put it out, if you wanted.
dc: OH! yeah. yeah, i'd do that. that'd be ok, i'm sure.
me: my sister here, she could do that for you.
dc: she could wear a fire-retardant suit and we could set her on fire for the night, i suppose, hey? if she was willing?
me: you went from being afraid to have fire to setting my little sister on fire. extreme. but yeah, if she's willing. sure.
we worked on the logistics of that for a bit. for the sake of not dragging this on, next question:
me: ok. so last question.
dc: go for it.
me: ok, so say you meet yourself walking down the street, and you're still yourself, but so is the you that you meet. right?
me: ok. so you talk to yourself for about an hour: from this first impression, what do you think is the strangest thing about yourself?
dc: you need to reword that question. you should ask me, "what do you think is not strange about yourself"...and then i probably would have a very hard time answering that.
i thanked him for his time and we went our separate ways. i was glad to know him a little bit better, but wanted to get my little sister safely away from him, lest he start her on fire.