discombobulation and giraffes and wet cement

the clock.

it's one of those with an overly boisterous second hand.

TICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICK

but i understand the clock because i myself have a sort of spastic energy just in my right hand and nowhere else in my body.

everywhere else in my body feels like it's full of sand.

you could throw me on the floor and i'd make a sound like "WHUMPH."

[but my right hand would flail and shake like it was full of fire-ants and caffeine.]

the song carousels by mewithoutYou is stuck tight in my head and it's perfect for today because whenever i listen to that song i feel like it should be raining outside.

and look: it's raining outside.

so i guess i feel like i should be listening to that song.

this is my thought-life as of late.

you know when you wake up in the middle of the night and you think something like, "why is there a giraffe in bed with me, and where is my husband?" and you try to push the giraffe out of your bed but then you realize there is no giraffe, only a husband?

yeah. it's like that lately.

today i stepped in wet cement with my white dress shoes and when the workers came around the corner to make angry faces at me i made a really innocent one and said something like but not neccessarily "oh, shoot. i wasn't supposed to step there i guess." and they just said something like but not neccessarily, "which is why we barricaded this area off."

and then i realized i'd actually climbed over the barricade without even realizing it was there and slopped right into the gunk like a three year-old..

i think maybe i went to sleep last week and just haven't fully woken up yet.