Monday, June 8, 2009

now i'm going to talk about something you care very little about

i was a debt collector once, did you know that? i did that for four whole months, and i thouroughly enjoyed every minute of it sometimes.
GC Services. that was the place i got my very first death threat. also, my very first marriage proposal. also, my very second and third death threats. also, a few other marriage proposals (debt collection is a rollar coaster of emotions. i recommend it if you're bored, i don't recommend it if you dislike death threats). i talked to a middle aged man who offered to buy me a plane ticket to new york, so i could meet him and see if he was as handsome in person as he sounded on the phone.
i was amazed at people's getting-out-of-talking-to-the-debt-collector tactics. there were those who would just hang up, those who would pick up and say a swear word over and over and over for half an hour, those who would full on scream into the reciever every time you tried to say something. i talked to young men who tried to convert me to various religions, and elderly women who cried and told me they were victims of credit card fraud. the girl beside me was on the job for a full 48 minutes when she called a psychic who lived in delaware, who informed her that he knew the names of all of her immediate family members and was going to kill them all if she didn't remove his debt and stop calling him. one man told me that he was going to track me down and tie me to the ceiling by my fingers and let rats crawl all over me. little did he know, i'm not all that afraid of rats. (spiders. spiders, i am afraid of.)
sometimes, i fell asleep on the job, and left incoherent messages on peoples' answering machines. sometimes i played pick up sticks with the coffee stir straws from the break room with the girl in the cubicle beside me.
i worked with a very scrawny version of Wolverine, an aspiring actor, and a hobo, who lived in his van in the company parking lot. those were the best days of my life. (but that last sentence is just lyrics from a song.)


Jen said...

You LIKED that job???!!! Wow. I think I like you even more now.

Mrs. Wilson said...

You silly girl. I'm FINALLY back to blog reading! Hip hip hooray!!!

I do like your new banner. I do I do.