itwalkedonmypillow

just in case you missed it...

2011-07-18T10:01:00.000-07:00

i’ve been getting some emails lately from people who didn’t see the last post because it didn’t show up in their reader, so they just thought i’d stopped blogging altogether.

no.

if i stopped blogging altogether, my brain would blow up.

i’ve just moved. i’m now at

www.suzykrauseandtheskyscrapers.blogspot.com

things are just kind of the same there as they were here.

2011-02-24T08:39:00.000-08:00

i'm not sure if everyone will see this, with all the tomfoolery going on with blogger, so if you think to pass the word along i would appreciate it. i'm heading over to wordpress, and you can come along if you feel like it.
{click on the post-it}

dear blogger: i am all frustrated

2011-02-23T08:30:00.000-08:00

before i write this, i think i need a piece of toast to go with my mug of hot chocolate. hang on.

ok. i'm on the way to having a piece of toast. toasting...toasting...

{and isn't it nice that reading this will take a fraction of the time it took to write it?}

and we begin:

dear blogger: i am all frustrated {as i said before}

i am frustrated because for some reason my feed is still not being published to a lot of subscriber's feeds. that's obnoxious. what's the point of writing a blog {as opposed to a journal} if no one can read it? i am considering switching to wordpress or something. does anyone know anything about that, or about feedburner? would that fix my problem?

i switched to disqus for comments because with the typical blogger comment box, some of the comments weren't getting published and it was hurting people's feelings {sorry}. now any comments people left prior to the switch are gone, which is also sad.

i'm not trying to be a mopey margaret, i'm just lamenting and eating toast.

while i'm doing that, i have a quick question:
what is the deal with sponsors? i'm not saying, rudely, "what is the deal!?" i mean, like, seriously, what do they do? why does everyone have them? because, for real, everyone has them lately. what up.

....can i have one?

yesterday was a day for trying something new, and today is a day for something else

2011-02-22T11:54:00.000-08:00

i'm scouring youtube trying to find a song i heard at a show once. it kind of feels like i'm not going to be successful. i don't even remember any of the words or what it kind of sounds like, i just remember that i heard it the night that said the whale opened for mother mother and have ever since wanted to listen to it again.

someone called me at 3 am last night. if it was you, i'd ask, first, why? what could you possibly need to talk about at 3 in the morning? unless you were dying. if you were dying, i'm sorry for not answering the phone and hope you are feeling better this morning. look! the sun is out!

yesterday, i sat myself down and made a thing to pin on my purse. i think it's pretty, but tacky, too, though. lately, i have a high tolerance for tacky things.

for instance:
this weekend i was shopping with my friends and karz said, "ew, look at that shirt; it's sOOOooooooo gross!" and i was like, "no way hose," and i bought it. some of the way home i wondered if i should have pretended i thought it was gross too.

it's too late now. i guess i'm going to be one of those ladies. that's ok.

so.

here is my tacky purse pin thing.

MAGIC EDIT:
as i pushed publish, i found the song i was looking for. i listened to 21 songs before finding it, but it is so found.

fizzy blood

2011-02-21T15:21:00.000-08:00

on saturday, barclay and tim and karz and i drove to manitoba to see a group of friends that we hadn't been with in a while.

i'll be up front with you right now and admit that, yes, we did blast 'since u been gone' and sing along to it at the top of our tortured lungs even though it was vastly out of our range of singing capabilities. we couldn't help ourselves and though that may be a weakness on our part, we like it better that way.

but the point is not that, the point is the people that we traveled with and the ones we traveled to.

i can't even describe to you this group of people or how they make me feel, so i won't. this degree of friendship is one of those things that i don't have enough good words for. if i said i loved them, you'd think i loved them, but it's better than that.

i will say, though, that today my blood is flowing fizzy and bright through my veins twice as fast as usual, and i love the feeling.

i love and am loved and that is probably the best way a girl could be.

please pardon the recent obsession with powerlines and post-it notes

2011-02-18T07:55:00.000-08:00

there is a cathedral down the street.

and down the street from the cathedral is the bakery.

and down the street from the bakery is a clothing shop with a snobby owner.

and down the street from the clothing shop with a snobby owner is the paper shop.

"today is going to be wonderful"

it says that on the sidewalk in front of the paper shop.

someone painted it there a while ago, so i'm not sure which day they're referring to.

but i think it's today.

{i've got a hunch.}

oh! good.

2011-02-17T08:40:00.000-08:00

i forgot about the library.

i thought about it, but i forgot about it just as quick.

yesterday, i remembered.

i was having an overly sick day, but the couch got hard after about an hour and megavideo timed me out so i couldn't finish the episode of project runway that i was watching and the temperature sheepishly peeked its sorry head just above freezing {it's not supposed to last long, but it's here and that's enough} and i thought, "it's nice outside; i should go visit my friend at the flower shop."

because, in case you didn't know, my friend works at a flower shop.

in case you didn't know that.

i made it a quarter of the way to the flower shop when i discovered a thing: i wasn't probably going to make it.

so i thought, "i can't just give up, but maybe i'll go visit my friend at the paper shop instead."

because, in case you didn't know, there is a lovely lady who works at the paper shop and she always remembers who i am and acts like she's happier to see me than anybody else. even though i know she's probably just like that to everyone all the time.

i still feel special.

i made it almost half of the way from where i was to where the paper shop was, which from my house is about half of the way to the flower shop, when i found something out: i wasn't probably going to make it.

so i thought, "maybe i'll just go home."

but then i looked up and saw the library.

so i thought, "oh! good."

the library is magic, in the loosest sense of the word, because you can go inside for free and then you can have anything you find there for free.

{but not the computers, you can't have those, though.}

i always sit on the floor in front of the cds and feel like a crazy person.

i feel like i need to take the whole cabinet home with me.

i sit on my gloves and lean against my backpack like it's a turtle shell, and i flip through the cases and i grin like a fantastic idiot.

i can pick a cd based on cover art, based on a feeling or a foggy memory of someone saying it was a good one, based on one song i heard once at a friend's house or at a show.

you just can't do that when money's involved.

but the point is not that.

the point is that i found a completely fantastic mittenfull of stuff--some cds i hadn't heard in years, some i'd been contemplating buying, some i'd never heard before.

and i left with all my money.

all of it.

not one cent less.

i quickly made the trek home, deciding which cd i would listen to first and taking pictures with my cell phone while pretending to talk on it {because there was a lot of traffic and i didn't want anyone to think i was taking pictures of them}.

it was a neon day.

so far, i've listened to keane's under the iron sea four times and wintersleep's welcome to the night sky twice.

have you been to the library lately?

PS: if you could go HERE and click the vote for this idea button, i'd just think you were the best person on the internet.

good help is not hard to find

2011-02-16T07:17:00.000-08:00

it was ok, except that we don't have any lettuce or celery or backup milk or sprouts or pretty much anything healthy because of an overly helpful man in the bakery section of the grocery store.

i've always known that i look pathetic and helpless at the best of times, but at that moment i was lugging around two baskets of groceries because i'm consistently too dumb to get a cart and my arms were falling off a little bit and i guess it took the overall appearance of helplessness to the next level.

i was reaching for a loaf of country harvest flax bread and wishing i had a bread maker when a guy appeared out of nowhere and asked if i needed help.

i said no.

actually, i said no, thank you. polite smile. polite turnaway.

then i had to say it again as he reached for my grocery baskets.

i made a feeble attempt to collect my things and walk away, but he was too fast for me. he was now successfully, awkwardly, holding half of my groceries.

i had a moment of panic and the fleeting thought: i'm being robbed.

and then a moment of clarity as i remembered that i hadn't actually paid for any of this stuff yet.

i stretched out my hand gently towards "my" things. "thanks, i got it, i still have to hit the produce--"

but he appeared not to have heard me--and he snatched my groceries from me and carried them to the checkout. he was on a mission. it was like he was still trying to earn some sort of boy scout badge for helping people and his time was almost up.

and me, i had to kind of run and push through the crowd to keep up with his long-legged stride and by the time i caught up, my food was being rung through by a most depressed looking lady.

and i suppose that's ok, except that now we can't make salads.

on my way back home

2011-02-15T08:27:00.000-08:00

okay, i think i'm back.

am i back?

is this thing on?

check, check. hello?

it's been a movie week.

on my way back home on sunday, the song by that name came on and i felt like credits were rolling and the movie was over and everything that had happened over the course of the last few days hadn't really happened in real life.

it was the same feeling as i had after watching that foreign film at the library last year: though i didn't really understand everything that had gone on, it was beautiful and heartbreaking and real but in a somewhere else sort of way.

but then i parked in my driveway and turned the car off and the movie was still playing, even after the credits stopped rolling.

and i guess that those weren't the credits, it was just another scene.

i've always loved moments like that, where everything settles like dirt after a windstorm, even if it's not a perfect or necessarily happy ending. because you probably learned something, even if all you learned is that life is hard sometimes.

and then you get up and keep going.

printable valentine's day postcards

2011-02-10T11:18:00.000-08:00

i know the type of people you all are.

you've already scoured etsy for really cute valentines day cards and ordered them probably a month ago, addressed them the day you got them and placed them in some cute basket by the door so they're ready to give out to your friends on monday.

me, no.

in case any of you out there are like me, and hadn't even given monday a thought til right this second, i made some printable valentine's day cards over brekkie this morning, and i'm willing to share. they're nothing classy, but they're free! free is always two thumbs up.

just stick some pretty paper in your printer, arrange these however you need on a word document, and print.

what's the word?

presto. presto is the word.

so in conclusion: email me if you want the word doc or the jpegs for any of these.
{itwalkedonmypillow@hotmail.com}

ps: thanks for the kind emails and comments asking if i was ok this week. i am. :)

disclaimer

2011-02-08T03:25:00.000-08:00

i don't know how much i'll be able to post this week. just because of reasons.

maybe i'll just update the whatever you do do not click this button button a bunch, and we'll leave it at that.

the fastest do it yourownself EVER: bottlecap fridge magnets

2011-02-05T15:51:00.000-08:00

ready? {get some cool bottle caps and some magnets and a glue gun}

set [glue the magnets to the underside of the bottlecaps]

GO! (oh wait. you're already done. put them on the fridge--that's all.)

let's all laugh at the crying girl

2011-02-03T08:11:00.000-08:00

i woke up this morning in kind of a hopeless mood.
the sun was tentatively peeking into our bedroom, casting cautious rays on the bedspread so as not to wake us too abruptly. i blinked and involuntarily slid into consciousness.

there's usually a moment upon waking where everything is beautiful and nothing hurts--the moment is often shattered by reality. this morning, i don't think i had the moment for even a second before i remembered the things that happened last night.

here's the situation:

barclay has hotels on the light blue properties, the orange properties, the red, and the green. so by the time i had enough money to build, the hotels were mostly used up and did you know that in the monopoly rules, you can only build until you run out of buildings? that means: no using the extra playing pieces as hotels or crumpling up gum wrappers for houses.

so last night before bed, i landed on new york and had to come up with 1000 dollars. i only had $200 and most of my properties were mortgaged. so i had to start removing houses, for a major loss of money.

i said i needed to sleep on it, that i'd make my decision in the morning: sell or bankruptcy. i really hate to lose, but if i'm going to anyway, i don't want to drag it out.

anyway, barclay's at work now so i don't have to make my decision til he gets home.
to make myself feel better, i'm laughing at this little girl's pain:

if you'll now excuse me, i have to go prepare. my first two students are coming today, and i shall officially be a piano teacher.

i didn't post yesterday

2011-02-02T15:13:00.000-08:00

and i don't really feel like posting today.
but i will, because it's what i do. i post.
i'm working on lots of things lately. i keep telling people, "yes, i'll start working on that tomorrow!" and soon i have twenty hundred projects on the go. most of it's just for fun, but that's the problem because unfun things weigh so much more than fun things, and they sink to the bottom while i bob for fun things near the surface.
someone needs to come along and give my head a good shove to the bottom of the barrel so i can get a mouthful of unfun things that simply need to get done.

take your wife to work day

2011-01-31T17:31:00.000-08:00

it might have been Take Your Wife to Work Day, or maybe barclay just can't live without me.

either way, i went to work with him today and it was fantastic. he got out his toolbox and did his thing and i perched on another toolbox and went to work painting my toenails. then i knitted a scarf. but not a whole scarf, though. and then i texted people and took pictures with my cell phone, and all the while barclay and i discussed the most important topic: what to make for supper.

pizza, we decided.

so we went to the grocery store and CAN YOU BELIEVE IT the whole entire dairy section was gone.
that was weird.

and then i got home and discovered i'd put my socks and boots on too soon after painting my nails, and my toes are now adhered to my socks.

all in all, a pretty good monday.

how i spent friday

2011-01-30T14:49:00.000-08:00

1} i painted a canvas.

note: i don't have painting skills, so i just sat there for a little while, then tentatively dabbed paint in some places. even though i was wearing a frilly shirt and listening to pedro the lion and just felt very artistic overall that day, i could not for the life of me successfully transfer my mental images to the canvas on the table. i eventually made myself so disgusted and angry that i grabbed a paper towel and scrubbed at the canvas in a kind of frantic effort to erase what i'd done.

needless to say, that did not work.

it ended up like this:

2} i doodled on some papers with a sharpie marker. i drew a girl flying a kite, and some stars, and some flowers, and some squiggles reminiscent of the things that decorated my social studies notes in grade 12.

i arranged the doodles on the canvas to make sure they would fit. {they would.}

3} i scanned my doodles onto the computer, arranged them onto a word document, saved it as a jpeg, and took it to the printshop down the street, where it cost me $2 to get it printed off on a laser jet printer on ledger-sized paper. because my ink jet doesn't cut it.

4} i acquired some gloss gel from a neat little art shop around the corner. i painted five thin coats of the gloss gel over my picture, allowing it to dry in between coats.

5} after letting the last coat dry, which only really took about 15 minutes {which is a very good thing as i am totally impatient} i got to the fun part.

remember when you were in fifth grade and you were learning about the solar system and you hated the solar system and so instead of taking notes you drew a picture on your fingertip and poured a drop of glue on top and let it dry and then peeled it off and the picture transferred to the glue?

that's my basic understanding of this process.

except instead of just peeling the glue off of the paper, i flipped the whole thing upside down {in a pan full of water} and scrubbed the paper off with a toothbrush--revealing my doodles beneath! on a clear, flat glob of dried gel gloss.

6} i plopped it down on my dried canvas {which i'd just painted a coat of gel gloss onto} and painted yet another coat of gel gloss on top of it, to make it stick.

this is sort of how it turned out, minus the fact that in real life it's much less grainy and doesn't look like a crappy cell phone picture of a painting.

all-in-all, kind of a fun little project.
i found it on this website a while back.

SOS

2011-01-28T07:27:00.000-08:00

i am in a pickle.

i know a lot of you know how to make beautiful jewelry, and i don't. but i need to by the end of february. i need to make a thing, and i need for it to be easy to teach someone else to make, and take about an hour to make. and i need it to be nice. and i need it to be something that a 19 year old girl would like just as much as a 60 year old girl.

i'm wearing my pleading eyes.

email me at itwalkedonmypillow@hotmail.com if you can help me, or if you want to tell me a joke or say hi. i would just be so ecstatic.

over brekkie i decided

2011-01-27T08:17:00.001-08:00

incentive

2011-01-26T13:47:00.000-08:00

today has been a day of big ambitions and few results.

friends: i promise i will mail out Christmas presents tomorrow.

there. now i have to.

weather report (link up)

2011-01-25T08:34:00.000-08:00

the weather report from saskatchewan, canada: there is a bunch of snow, and i'm listening to simon and garfunkel, so you know it's cloudy out.

i went out and tried sitting on a bench for a bit.

an unsuccessful endeavour.

over to you, wherever you are.

california? south korea? scotland? hawaii?

the chocolate chai guarantea

2011-01-24T09:21:00.000-08:00

dizzy

2011-01-23T14:00:00.000-08:00

these days, i can't tell which way is up,

mostly because all the ways are white.

it's a good thing the trees know which way to grow on their own.

when spring comes, maybe this dizzy feeling will pass.

victory documented

2011-01-22T11:12:00.000-08:00

look how badly i beat barclay in monopoly this week. i owned/had hotels or houses on EVERYTHING, except the lame purple and light blue properties.

but the point is not that. the point is that some people have been having issues with my posts not showing up in their google reader.
do me a favour and let me know if you're reading this so i can tell if it's just a few people or all of you, please.

and then, would some computer savvy person offer up a solution to my issue? that'd be GREAT.
happy weekend!

OH POST SCRIPT!!!!: you should absolutely push the whatever you do don't push this button button today.

it's friday, i'm in love

2011-01-21T08:29:00.000-08:00

i'm thinking about electricity today.

i'm thinking about it because it feels like there is a big ball of it right in my throat.

i feel like if i were to stick my tongue in an electrical socket right now, i'd blow the whole neighbourhood up.

the source of the feeling is unknown.

i've been thinking some fairly electrical thoughts this morning over my red river cereal and hot chocolate, so maybe they've slipped out of my head into the rest of me.

i'm also listening to some fairly electrical music, involving some anathallo and and some sigur ros and some chopin.

so maybe that's it.

it could be that i'm sitting under my nuclear Christmas tree.

how long is socially acceptable to leave your Christmas tree up? we like it too much to take it down yet.

in any case, i've got to go do something or my head is going to blow up.

linguistics and dramatics

2011-01-20T07:22:00.000-08:00

i know a lot of you weren't around when i explained the depth of my linguistic capabilities. you can click here to read that enlightening bit about an embarrassing moment that almost got me fired. but the point is not that.
the point is that when i am not good at something, i tend to hate on it pretty hardcore. exhibit a) languages that are not english.
i took two years of french in high school and when i was finished i could successfully {in french} ask to go to the bathroom, ask to microwave an apple and a cat, and play a game of go fish. je deteste francais.

but today, over a mocha and red river cereal, i wandered over to
chantelle's blog (one of my very favorites) and decided that i need to be bilingual.
because of this:

forget not making a new years' resolution, here's one: before we get pregnant, i need to learn how to fluently speak another language, probably norwegian, and teach my kid it so that he or she will be able to tell me long rambling crazy stories in that language.
plus, i hope he or she's as dramatic as amyschmamey's daughter, who wrote this great piece of literature.

i'm thinking today's a great day for being extra dramatic about every little thing.
plus, we almost have a windchill of fifty below today. so. i'm going to be dramatically cold for sure.

a kind of essay: the way that people are

2011-01-19T08:24:00.000-08:00

for my sad friends

2011-01-18T07:52:00.000-08:00

before you read this post, you have to follow the rules.
right click HERE, click Open in New Tab.
right click HERE, click Open in New Tab.
go to each tab and make sure they're doing what they're supposed to be doing at the same time.
it's called atmosphere. it might be also called cheesy, but if you're by yourself it's ok to be cheesy sometimes. i've decided that.
[thanks elyse for the rain]
ok, you may advance to the next part of the post.

i have some sad friends.

if you think this might be you i'm thinkin about, then it is more than likely that it is you i'm thinkin about.

i read a post you wrote recently about how long your winter is, i remembered about your long wait last week to come home, i was thinking about the journey you've been on this past year, a conversation we had in a coffee shop the other day, the thing that you want that you can't have, the disappointment about how things have been going, the worry about the future, the loneliness, how tired you are of where you are, how you don't know how to get to where you want to be, that really unfortunate thing that happened, how simply straight up stressed out you are.

i'm being vague, but that's on purpose.

i would like to gather you all up in a big sad group and empty a dump truck full of all the things that would make you happy again right down on your very deserving heads. gently, though, so as not to crush you.

but if life were like that, if i had a magic dump truck, you wouldn't need God. and you probably wouldn't know how much other people care about you either.

anyways.

things will get better. for now, you can do like i do when i'm sad: i get really dramatic about it and lay down on the floor in the middle of the room so i can see the whole ceiling and i listen to mellow music and i pretend i'm in a movie, at the part right before everything gets resolved. that's what the aforementioned links are for, if you want to give it a shot.
if you'd rather talk, i'm good for that too.

[doesn't the rain make it kind of sound like spring, jen?]

how monday might go

2011-01-17T07:01:00.000-08:00

i'll wear the same thing as i wore on saturday but it won't matter because i won't see any of the saturday people today. i'll probably be out of style, but i won't care because i won't know {i'm still watching project runway from 10 seasons ago}.
and i might not wash my hair. is that gross?

i will plan on finally mailing out the last of my Christmas presents, but probably won't get around to it til later in the week. my friends will worry that i don't love them, and then they will remember that i'm rarely on time with things like this. they might even be happy that i haven't changed, because everything is changing and things that stay the same are sometimes comforting.

ke$ha will get more radio play than the shins. ke$ha. that won't matter either though because i listen to playlist.com instead of the radio. but it actually will matter a little bit because it's the principal of the thing. i will get a little bit mad.

i'll sit on the couch and watch my friends live their lives over the internet as they document every bit on facebook from waking up at 7 am to being mad that they are stuck at the grocery store behind a family of 12 who is doing their monthly shopping trip to being very happy that they married such a wonderful person. they will post shiny happy pictures and heartbreaking relationship status updates and i'll miss going for coffee with them and wonder how their smiles are when they're not posing for pictures. i'll think about calling them but i won't because i hate the telephone. i'll wonder if that's a good enough reason. i'll send a snail mail letter or two.

i'll clean the house, while listening to the old brand new cd. i understand how that sentence might confuse you if you don't know that brand new is a band.

i'll run out of dish soap. i'll run out of paper towel. i'll run out to the grocery store and slip on some ice. i'll run to the bakery, forgetting that it's closed on mondays. i'll stand in front of the door and look sad for half an hour in hopes that the baker will see me and bake me a loaf of whole wheat bread just because. i'll wish for croissants but i won't push my luck.

i'll go for lunch with liz and to the craft warehouse with becky. because we're going to make a thing and i'll make supper for barclay and he'll like it even if it's not good.

but first, i will eat brekkie and brush my teeth and doodle on a piece of paper i found on the floor.

inspired by a girl in california

2011-01-15T10:21:00.000-08:00

casually flipping through the pages of the blog world today, i came acrost a post about how warm it was in california yesterday.

first, i felt jealous, then i reminded myself that i like winter now, and that summer will come soon enough.

but, for-pete's-sake-to-borrow-the-colloquialism, it's cold.

-21, -29 with the windchill. i saw our mailman yesterday, and he had a beard half made of beard hair, and half made of icicles.

i sat on my hands so that i wouldn't compulsively reach up and break off his icebeard.

barclay clears snow for a living in winter, so he's been busy. yes, even with his gibbled finger, he worked an 11 hour day yesterday. me, me with the able hands, i went over to becky's house and listened to bjork and ate fresh cookies and drank peppermint tea with milk in it and gabbed and jawed about life and music and theology and pretty much unloaded my whole brain into her lap and left it there.

because sometimes i just need to do that.

and that is why this post is so brainless.

i'll go collect it again on monday.

the Thoughtlings

2011-01-13T15:58:00.000-08:00

there's this thing that i do, this way that i am.

i'll tell you about it, but you really have to not worry that i'm asking for compliments or whining or anything like that. i'm a happy camper, and in general i like lots of the things about the way that life is.

but the point is not that.

the point is that in maybe my fourth or fifth year {of life} i decided for whatever reason that whenever someone was laughing, they were laughing at me, or whenever someone was talking in low tones, they were discussing something that was wrong with me, or whenever someone looked in my general direction, they were thinking something bad about me.

this Thought kind of skittered along behind me for most of elementary school, jumped into my backpack in junior high, then crawled into my ears and laid eggs inside my brain in high school. i now have all sorts of baby Thoughtlings living in my cerebellum {for lack of a better word} {or just to sound intelligent}.

they are very rude.

i mostly just let them wander around unattended and say whatever they feel like.

that is absolutely not a good idea but the point is not that either.

the real point is that, to be honest with you, i'm bad at receiving compliments and kind words and rewards because i never feel like i've earned them AND i never feel like the giver could possibly mean them--even if said giver is eyesmiling.

so anyways.

tomorrow is my last day at work.

the office ladies threw me a picnic IN THE LIBRARY over the lunch hour in honour of

...me.

i got so excited i almost fell over--a PICNIC in the LIBRARY. for ME. the thought.

the thought.

we had vietnamese food and cupcakes and i ate too much and then my boss sat me down in a corner and put a plate of truffles in front of me and made me eat every last one. {i will be full of truffles til the cows come home.} and then my coworkers said all sorts of nice things about how they like me and will miss me and hope i come back to visit often.

i don't know if it was the cupcakes or the stern way i was commanded to finish my truffles, but i believed the words and accepted the compliments and let them make me feel happy.

it was a very good day.

upon thinking all these things through, i've decided that it is probably a good thing to have a balanced opinion about oneself; acknowledging and dealing with the bad things and acknowledging and appreciating the good things.

a Thoughtling infestation is no good.

i'm going to fumigate.

today i feel

2011-01-11T15:29:00.000-08:00

like maybe i could go to bed and sleep for two million years and when i woke up barclay would say, "hey babe, you sure were tired. while you slept i cleaned everything up and made waffles." and i'd eat a waffle or two and go back to sleep.

Christmas with Ole

2011-01-10T08:41:00.000-08:00

this year, some of my friends got mix tapes for Christmas, and the bonus track was a little something special i whipped up on garageband at 5:30 am while barclay was at work.
i'm sharing this with you only because i don't know why, but here we go anyway.
and without further ado, what i would sing like had i been born a man:

http://www.purevolume.com/ole39996

crying in my cantaloupe

2011-01-08T15:20:00.000-08:00

pictured above: a half a bowl of cantaloupe.

this is fine if you ordered half a bowl of cantaloupe.

did you? i didn't. i wouldn't.

because i hate cantaloupe.

i ordered a $3.99 fruit cup.

a $3.99 fruit cup.

naturally, i expected three dollars and ninety-nine cents plus taxes worth of fruit, in a cup.
they didn't even get the cup part right.

to be fair, i took this picture after i ate the 6 pieces of watermelon.

in other news, barclay had a close encounter of the bloodiest kind with a table saw this week.

i throw my hands up in the air sometimes, but only in japanese

2011-01-07T08:28:00.000-08:00

last night kiersten and i found a place online where you can learn to sing the current pop chart toppers in japanese. i don't personally care for chart toppers, as they all sound the same--overproduced and sickeningly catchy-but-not-in-a-good-way--but these same songs in japanese do have a certain je ne cest quoi. and when her husband walked in the door there we were on the couch hovered over her laptop singing "dynamite" in japanese as loud as we could.
but the point is not that.
there is no point.
because it's friday.

2011-01-06T14:02:00.001-08:00

blawwwglovinnnn....

new years revolutions

2011-01-06T10:10:00.000-08:00

rev·o·lu·tion/ˌrɛvəˈluʃən/
[rev-uh-loo-shuhn]
a sudden, complete or marked change in something

my new year's revolution: i quit my job.
how's that for sudden, complete, and marked?

it's not a resolution, because it's not something i've resolved to do--i already did it. it's done. and now a lot of other things are going to change.
{i love change. now you know what to get me for Christmas next year.}

i prefer a revolution to a resolution because it's easier, in a way. because you make an action, not just a choice, a single action that affects everything {example: getting married, buying a house, taking a job, moving, going to university, etc}. and then if it was the right thing, that initial action, there will be a bunch of positive little offshoots sprouting up all over your life. in this case, it's things that i might have "resolved" to do but never actually gotten done for lack of time.

i'm going to teach piano lessons and spend more time volunteering and going for coffee with someone who just needs to talk and keeping the house clean and cooking something good for barclay to come home to and reading and learning and growing and praying and just being ridiculous with my friends and my husband.

going to shows.
walking around.
writing.
trying new things.
trying new things that are not the same as the other new things which i've already tried.
maybe even trying new things over and above the aforementioned! wow!
and some other stuff.
lots of that.
plus sleeping a lot, because being sick all the time makes you tired. but i'm excited about that too, because i need it, and haven't really been getting it lately.

the excitement that is welling up in my ribcage is shining out my eyes like a hundred jillion flashlights.
i will miss my job, and especially the people here, but this is absolutely the right move for right now.

oh i'm just tickled pink.

how to get to a certain place from here, the walking edition

2011-01-05T15:55:00.000-08:00

go down the bike path by the river

turn onto the bridge

keep on

don't go down that back alley;

i don't know where it leads

wind your way through the crescents

past that house

and just keep going that way til you get tired

sometimes you don't need a destination

you should just walk because it's good for you

clockwork

2011-01-04T08:21:00.000-08:00

Christmas is good. Christmas is great and good. and i like it a lot. i'd have another, i like it so much.

but.

Christmas is expensive.

you know, because there's your family, and then [if you're married or going with someone], there's your other family, and there's your friends and people you don't really consider your friends who gave you a present so you have to give one to them too and just all these other miscellaneous people you have to buy stuff for.

it's kind of ridiculous.

last year, and the year before that, and all the other ones i've been around for, i just went with it. it's like gas for your car, or groceries, right? there's not really an option; you need those things, you pay for them.

NO.

this year, we made quite a few of our presents. not because we are particularly crafty, creative, or genius, but because we were well on our way to spending more money on Christmas presents than on groceries for a year.

i won't show you all of them, but i will show you my favorite one; something barclay whipped up for his little sister. [he made a similar one for my little sister too].

in case you are bad at seeing pictures, i'll explain to you that this is a wooden box with a record sleeve for a lid. and inside the box-- [because you can't just give someone a box for Christmas] [[unless it is a very nice box made of gold or something]] [[[but even then you should probably put something inside like a note or a chocolate or some pennies or something]]] [[[[i digress]]]]

--and inside the box...!!!

is...!!!

a clock barclay made out of a record.

{here's the other one.}

altogether, this gift cost about 5 bucks to make and just turned out pretty nifty-looking. in my humble opinion. but maybe i just think so because barclay made it and he is a hunk.

he is such a hunk.

it's my birthday

2010-12-31T12:55:00.000-08:00

not really. but hotmail thinks it is because apparently when i started up my account, i typed in that my birthday was 31/12/1987 for no good reason. so today when i checked my email, i was greeted by a special little birthday greeting from hotmail that says to put my feet up and relax because today is my special day.
don't mind if i do, thanks, don't mind if i do.
it felt kind of like the time a few years ago when i for no good reason changed my birthday on facebook from june 20 to january 20 [stop me if i've told you this story before] and some very good friends threw me a surprise birthday party complete with presents and a dairy queen ice cream cake.
oops.
imagine my sheepishness when, after being sung to, i blew out the candles and admitted that it wasn't "actually my birthday todayyy but...thanks for the party and the stuff and i'll see y'all again in june?"
but the point is not that.
the point is i drew you three pictures to send a secret message:

omagoodness

2010-12-30T09:28:00.000-08:00

tomorrow is the last day of 2010.

this is sad because of one very good reason:

i had, for 2010, the best wall calendar of ever in my life, and after tomorrow, it will be no good.

i'm considering buying a cheap calendar from the dollar store and pasting the pictures from this one overtop of the pastel sunrises and cartoon kitties.

the pictures in this post are from that calendar, in loving memory of it.

{the website is here.}

and now, without anymore further ado,

the year of two thousand and ten, in review

january:
got a niece, made some puns, flew a helicopter in my pajamas, had a friend get engaged. all in all, a good month.

february:
had a happiest valentine's day, saw lois in the hospital, and flew through the air in a car.

march:

ok: began my house obsession, had a painful encounter with fake nails, found christopher walken hiding in my basement, painted the coolest easter eggs of life, experienced a most awkward hug, suffered an online identity crisis the week that lois died, broke six toes, and shared a painful childhood memory. full month. wow.

april: sewed a thing! [this is a big deal], snorted something i shouldn't have [aka the stupidest thing i've ever done], drew my first handflowers, had a magical experience in the mall, examined the pros and cons of africa, got very sick, and got angry.

may: saw the swat team in action, wrote my first paper rant, made something delish, got mad-hatter-mad, got scared, felt like a clock, and found rotten potato salad in my purse.

june: went to the circus, wrote a poem, caught a cold, saw my heart, got inspired, turned 23, went on an adventure, and feigned pregnancy in an airport.

july: my sweat was stars, barclay went away, i made a new friend, and i survived the apocalypse.

august: i fell in love with sailboats and ohbijou, saw a lady get hit by a truck, did my first ever diy, and went on some stupid medication.

september: made a new blog with hannah, drew lots of stars, saw a jabillion motorbikes, had our first wedding anniversary, made jewelry out of the light fixtures, saw the best tree, had an idea, and touched the sun.

october & november (because i've run out of pictures): celebrated thanksgiving, got a ticket, did my second diy, analysed, wrote more poetry, became taylor swift for a day, got a piano, interviewed david crowder, went to the bahamas, and made snow angles.

and here we are in december. i've learned to love winter, set up the tree, celebrated Christmas, and done some thinking.

it's been a very nice year.

what'd you do?

post script!!!!

2010-12-29T15:52:00.000-08:00

i don't want anyone to come away from the previous post feeling like i've just given them a shoulder shake and a yell. they're just some sincere questions i've been, for lack of a better word, pondering. if you feel like getting into a real in-depth discussion about the crazy-deep things of life, or if you're offended or you want to tell me what you believe or whatever, my email address is on the left sidebar under EMAIL.
also, i forgot to tell you that i hoped you had a merry Christmas. i'll tell you later about how i hope you'll have a happy new year. [there is still time for that.]

offensive, nerdy, and awkward Christmas thoughts

2010-12-29T12:30:00.000-08:00

i feel like the holiday rush has calmed down a little bit, if only enough to allow me a moment to blow my nose and collect [some of my] thoughts.

we even had some time last night to drink tea and play monopoly, during which time barclay had five knives fall on his head--the big kinds of knives, the ones that you might chop a ham up with.

it was kind of an odd moment for both of us, and we took a time-out to rethink the way our dining room is set up before continuing the game. [the knives are now stored in a safer, less aerial location.]

and then he put hotels on the yellow properties and i declared bankruptcy.

but the point is not that.

the point is that this Christmas i had some conversations, did some thinking, observed some, and had more conversations about the other conversations and osbservations and what i thought about them, and now i have something to say.

i realize that a lot of you reading this would much rather read a stupid little illustrated paper rant [and don't get me wrong; that'll come] because Christmas is over/not funny/doesn't mean anything to you.

and that's ok. you can come back on monday or tuesday and read the paper rant, if you want. i'm not here to shove things down peoples' throats. i'm just musing.

read or don't.

the stuff in my head, it sort of started with friday when a friend asked me to be mary in the live nativity scene at church, and then ctv news came over and did a happy little news story about Christmas Eve and there were donkeys and sheep and a beautiful candlelight service that looked like this {photos courtesy of carmen}.

and the whole thing was about Jesus.

i feel like as soon as i say that name, "Jesus", a bunch of people will get mad and others will get kind of awkward, and still others will probably make fun/make all sorts of assumptions about who i am and what i believe and how i live my life and maybe even think i'm a judgemental, no-fun saint who thinks i'm perfect and wants everyone else to live exactly the same way i do.

because i've been reading peoples' blogs and watching tv and talking to friends and just seeing life happen and i notice that even though people want Christmas holidays, people don't want Jesus.

people want to have fun.

people want to be happy.

people want to exist, to be known, to accomplish things.

people want to be loved.

but

people don't want rules.

people don't want judgements.

people don't want "religion".

because "religion" is for prudes, zealots, and fanatics.

some quotes i read today from various places:

"you should always do what you think is best for you first, because in the end, that will be the best decision."

"i just didn't love him anymore. what's the point in staying with someone i don't love? i needed to do what was best for me."

"i think you just need to consider: what's going to make you happy? you only live once; take what you want."

"i had to get out of it--basically, it just wasn't making me happy anymore."

these were taken from stories on peoples' personal blogs about hefty decisions they had to make involving things like abortion and divorce and affairs and relationships. the moral of each story: do whatever it takes to be happy, because your life is about YOU.

i don't really get it.

i don't really want it.

why would people want to live in a world where everyone just goes after what they want, looks out for only themselves--regardless of the effect it has on anyone else?

sounds like eternal high school to me.

and i know there are Christians out there who don't live what they say they believe; i know there are hypocrites and judgers and ignorant jerks who say they believe in Jesus.

{those are people. people are absolutely not perfect. i know because i am one.}

but i believe that God is perfect.

and He is capital "L" Love, and His message is Love and even the confines of His laws and His teachings are Love because if you were to follow them perfectly, you would love others perfectly.

why is that offensive? why is that nerdy? why is it awkward?

and why would it be any of those things for me to strive for that and hope for that and celebrate that?

who doesn't want to love and be loved perfectly?

who doesn't want to be in a marriage where you know that your partner will stick it out and respect you and keep the promises they made to you through every and any thing that life throws at you?

who doesn't want to have a friend who stands up for you, stays with you through everything, who never takes advantage of you or intentionally hurts you, but makes things right if they do?

who doesn't want to be able to trust people, to be trusted?

who doesn't want to be forgiven?

how to get to a certain place from here

2010-12-27T08:58:00.000-08:00

go down that street

take a left

shoulder check

{see, you almost hit that semi truck}

on, past the trees

past the starbucks

past the shopping cart

come to a complete stop

you're almost there

now you're where i am

and we're going to have such a nice time

spastic Christmas thoughts

2010-12-23T10:42:00.000-08:00

it's almost here; it's the 23rd. the 23rd is two days from the 25th. there is a 24 in there somewhere, but it always goes by so fast that i don't think i've ever lived it before.

i've been busy.

i have almost half of my Christmas presents done. i'm kicking barclay out of the house tonight so i can wrap his and "finish" one of them.

presents are stressful. i just want to make everyone mix tapes and i want that to be enough. [i would be ok if that was all i ever got.]

i web logged here today. [or my alter-ego did. the one who is a lazy bum.] carla is great, and i think you should check out her shop too. it's magnificent.

i made cookies at 11 o'clock at night the other night. they tasted awful. i put too much salt in them. and then i got all weepy and sobby and mad. barclay said he would eat them anyway, because he is the best guy God ever made.

i'm wearing the same thing as i wore yesterday, and i haven't showered since tuesday. i'm disgusting.
my friend kiersten sprained her ankle, because canada is unhealthily icy right now. go tell her you hope she feels better.

i just found out that i will be spending a large chunk of my Christmas eve with a 5 month old donkey.
quick poll: are you somewhere warm for Christmas?

quick poll: are you one of those teenage girls who goes and gets her picture taken with santa at the mall and can't stop giggling the whole time?

i'm pretty pumped about the donkey thing.

i'm not putting any effort into blogging this week. it's almost Christmas and i haven't finished/started getting ready.

2010-12-21T10:42:00.000-08:00

so we've all seen this:

but i think i might like this one a little bit better:

i want a chicken for Christmas

2010-12-19T19:59:00.000-08:00

and now please click on this, a button i made.
it will take you somewhere else, where you will learn something about something i've been thinking about. maybe you will feel uncomfortable, or maybe you will like it. you might even not care.
{i'm being very vague. i'm aware.}

then, if you like the thing that you read about and would like to think about it some more, or would like to help someone else to think about it too, you could post this button on your blog. think of it! thousands of kids could get vaccines, or surgeries, or soccer balls! hoh!

where's waldo?

2010-12-16T09:55:00.000-08:00

this is my desktop background wallpaper on my computer today. i found waldo in a record 2 point nuthin seconds, and felt like a rockstar.

i always prefered where's waldo books to i spy books. mostly because of all the funny little things going on all over the place that you don't notice because they're not what you're looking for.

like life, kind of.

river thoughts

2010-12-15T09:59:00.000-08:00

i'm thinking, mostly because there is not anything else to do right now.
sometimes, this thinking leads to a mind-blowing epiphany, or some deep introspection resulting in a desire to see change or growth in myself. sometimes the thinking is scattered and stupid.
today the thinking is like that.
today, the thoughts trickled down my brain in subject rivers of all kinds - love, food, what kind of glasses i would pick if my eyesight went funny - and kind of pooled in a crook by my ear where they started to smell the way that still water does right before it starts growing bacterial things.
how annoying.
i wanted to think about something new, but i couldn't think of anything new, so i thought about typing instead.

i was thinking about the introduction of msn into my world, and the grammatical trainwreck that ensued.
how i would go to school and learn all the rules of capitalization, punctuation and spelling, and then go to home and unlearn them in a desperate attempt to appear msn-savvy.
suzy says: howz yur day goin? :)
i want it that way says: good. i lov u.
suzy says: aw lolzorz i lov u 2.

there were all these transitionary stages where it was cool to misspell words, and then it was cool to not use caps, and then abbrevs were alllllllll the rage and then punctuation was lame and then somebody [a doofus] began to use all caps and too many exclamation marks all the time.

i've gotten much better at spelling and punctuation, but am admittadly a goner when it comes to capitalization. i wonder sometimes if that bothers people and maybe that's why i lost 4 followers this week. if so, here are some capitals to tide you over til you find a blog with a better author:

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ.

on behalf of the retailers: a paper rant

2010-12-13T12:20:00.000-08:00

try this trick

2010-12-12T09:11:00.000-08:00

with your feet in the air and your head on the ground

try this trick and spin it

your head will collapse

if there's nothing in it

and you'll ask yourself

"where is my mind?"

if you gotta be weird and dance around in your bedroom while you're getting dressed,

this is probably the best song to do that to.

my palm tree

2010-12-10T08:09:00.000-08:00

i'm on an island, and it's awfully warm; i'm going to get a sunburn.
the sand is hot, and the sky is blue, and the water is infested with sharks and stingrays, and that's the way i like it.
barclay is here, and some of my best friends, and seth rogen.
there is a palm tree growing out of my leg.

buzzer. what. 4:00. snooze.

i need to shave my legs. there is a palm tree growing out of my leg.

buzzer. ugh. 4:05. snooze.

i could cry. seth rogen is playing with the sharks. there is a palm tree growing out of my leg.

buzzer. 4:10 am.

i touch my leg.
the palm tree is gone,

but so is the tropical paradise.

stupid alarm clock.

oh tinsel tree 2010

2010-12-08T19:54:00.000-08:00

i recognize that the cool thing to do these days is to ride into the woods on a sleigh pulled by two horses and chop down a tall evergreen with your own bare hands, or an axe, while sipping hot chocolate, wearing a pretty party dress, and taking ridiculous amounts of professional-looking pictures on your expensive camera. i understand that the cool thing to do these days is to decorate said tree with vintagey, creative, DIY-type ornaments and garlands while listening to sufjan stevens Christmas albums and still taking ridiculous amounts of professional-looking pictures on your expensive camera.

well, we still have our 3 dollar tinsel tree from canadian tire which looks suspiciously like a spaceship. and when it's lit up, i'm pretty sure we could pop a bag of microwave popcorn beneath it.

forget the tanning bed; we have an ultraviolet Christmas tree.

and i think it's nice. in an alien-esque sort of way.

so anyways, we put that up and decorated it and drank cinnamon heart tea lattes and listened to a Christmas music mix from last year and made a nest on the floor and fell asleep beneath the radioactive glow of our little tree.

fiddling, pondering and dreaming

2010-12-07T14:18:00.000-08:00

i've been sick again, so i've been doing a lot of blog-fiddling and life-pondering and day-dreaming.
lately, i feel very much like a kid sitting on the floor of my bedroom contemplating a big batch of lego blocks i've just dumped out and surrounded myself with. it's not daunting or terrifying, but neither am i feeling overly excited about it. for once i'm just content to look at all the pieces and consider how they go together and all the structures i could build.
i've often been the type to just start building, irrationally adding pieces where i've never seen them put before, {wondering why no one ever thought to do it this way but not realizing that maybe someone has, and it hasn't worked, and that's why,} and having to tear things apart when i hit a wall, or when a new idea comes, having little to no vision or fixed goal.
this, this sitting and waiting and looking, feels unnatural, but in a good way--like stretching my hamstrings. and i'm seeing new things. it's good.

i forget to be amazed: a paper rant

2010-12-05T18:17:00.000-08:00

[i listened to the song "symphonies" by dan black while writing this. so good.]

sometimes when i'm sitting there i think about time

2010-12-03T14:14:00.000-08:00

and about what life would be like if time went forwards and backwards.
if it were a glitchy, short-circuited thing that jumped and twitched and would sometimes work right but sometimes flip and send you back exactly to where you came from.

so i sit there, and i think about all the implications of that.
you'd relive some of the best days of your life, most likely also some of the worst. but you wouldn't be so scared of birthdays because you might have your 40th ten times over and someday be 20 again anyway. you could make decisions flippantly knowing that you might have a chance to make them over. it'd be easier to come to terms with the thought of losing somebody because you would most absolutely get them back at some point.

and then i think: what if you sneezed, and then time went backwards, to the beginning of your sneeze, and then forwards again--to the end of your sneeze--and then it got stuck in this loop and you just spent the whole rest of eternity sneezing?

that would be the ratsiest thing ever.

once somebody told me that if you lick the roof of your mouth right before you sneeze, your body will forget what it was about to do and stop in its tracks. that's right, i have the cure for sneeze. and it's not too good to be true, it really does work.
i keep forgetting about that rule, though, til just right after i sneeze, and by then it's too late.

i lick the roof of my mouth anyways though. just in case i get stuck in a time loop.

in which i talk much more than usual

2010-12-01T17:09:00.000-08:00

i'm driving carefully down an icy, quiet street listening to cbc radio and an iron and wine song comes on and the snow is falling a little bit right in time with the soft guitar and suddenly i'm inside a snowglobe that some great invisible hand has just turned upside down.

i was just at the starbucks and now i'm all full of a peppermint mocha and a sweet conversation, and i'm bundled snugly up in my scarf and the mittens barclay gave me for Christmas last year so next to none of my skin is showing and i feel like i could go and roll and roll and roll in the snow and not get cold.

i am invincible.

i look out my driver's side window just in time to see a perfect snowflake land right at eye-level on the glass, and i marvel at how far it's fallen while staying so precisely intact, and that's maybe when it happens, without me fully noticing at first.

i'm rounding the corner onto my street and the sun is getting ready for night, throwing its rays onto the pillowy clouds and blankets of snow and i keep having to pull over so i can enjoy it without killing somebody.

people are staring at me standing beside my car with my cell phone taking pictures, so i start pretending i've broke down and am calling for help.

no one stops to help me.

typical.

i start to get ticked at society, and all the self-centered, uncaring -- but quickly remind myself that if someone does stop, i'm going to feel like an idiot.

then, who cares.

then, i get stuck in a snow bank.

then, i'm free.

i get that feeling like i usually do in june when the puddles are drying and the weather is warming up--the very same feeling.

and just like that i realize that it happened! i did it! it worked!

i talked myself into loving something that i hate[d].

listen to this:

i love winter. legitimately. sincerely.

it took about a month.

and it got me thinking about all the things i hate.

when i first decided to love winter, i had to make a choice every five seconds to think about something good about winter instead of complaining about it--out loud to other people, and in my own head. i was constantly looking for something good to say about it. making lists in my car on my way to work of things i liked about it. the list had - 45 things on it for the first week.

{i live in canada, it gets COLD here, cut me some slack.}

but the point is not that.

the point is not even that i love winter.

the point is that i just realized that this month i've inadvertently trained my brain in a way of thinking that could be applied to any number of things, people, places, weather patterns, activities, music, et-cetera, and basically result in me being contented and cheerful all the time, as well as easy to please and be around.

it seems like something i should've gotten cased by now, something we all should've. but i think we as humans are whiny by nature and really actually quite love hating things.

don't get me wrong, some things deserve hating. like country-pop music and onions. but some things, like winter, are really worth falling in love with. we'd just rather grumble and notice the inconveniences and discomforts instead of the fun and the beauty.

me, i'm going to think of something else i hate now, and start the whole thing over.

fortune cookies

2010-11-30T11:57:00.000-08:00

the thing about fortune cookies is that i only really ever liked them for the cookie part. the fortunes were always lame things like, "your personality will get you as far as it will get you" or "you might have something happen today or within the next 50 years" or whatnot. something that could be loosely applied to anyone in any situation. i think that's mainly the point, anyways.

but just lately,

i have had extraordinary luck when it comes to fortune cookie fortunes.

exhibit a: the night we got engaged, we went to the mongoli grill and i got a cookie with two fortunes in it.

exhibit b: the tuesday before our first anniversary, we went to the mongoli grill for date night. we were planning on doing something special for the weekend, but weren't sure what yet. i got two fortunes that night also:

oh but wait, it doesn't stop there.

the week before we left on our cruise to the bahamas, i got this:

and the very next day, i went for lunch with karz and was telling her about my funny luck. i told her about the most recent one, then i opened my cookie:

fancy that.

i have more. i have a little stack of them. i think you get the picture though, i think these are enough.

{you might think i'm a straight-up nerd for keeping my old fortune cookie fortunes.

you might be right.}

but really, i'm not reading much into this, largely because every time barclay opens a cookie, he gets something like these:

however.

i am open to the possibility that some chinese guy at the mongoli grill is playing a well-executed prank on me.

sir: in this instance, there is not much distance between "prank" and "stalking."

the spffa and me

2010-11-27T10:46:00.000-08:00

so there's this billboard that the spffa put up by our house.

barclay does not like the leading cause of scalds billboard.

because barclay already knows what the leading cause of scalds are, and he does not need a billboard to tell him. he would rather he had a billboard with a picture of his family, or telling him game scores or a nice and funny joke.

thus, every time we drive past it, barclay makes a point of reading it out loud and saying,

"leading cause? what other causes are there?"

and then, for the rest of the trip to wherever it is that we happen to be going, he rants about what a pointless and stupid billboard that billboard is.

however.

this morning, i poured boiling homemade syrup* all over my left hand.

i was pouring it from the pot into the jar and was right in the middle of saying, "look at that! i did it without spilling!" when something happened, i know not what, and everything was burning and blistering and running and it was the end of the world and then i just stood there in the kitchen and wailed like a dog with its tail caught in the garage door until barclay took the pot away from me and put my hand under cold water.

can i get some sympathy?

i know i ask for it about once a month, but it's pretty legitimate: i am a klutz with a capital all of the letters.

at first, i thought maybe barclay brought this misfortune on me by making fun of the spffa.

but upon further reflection, i've decided i shouldn't blame barclay or the spffa for my problems since, really, i scald myself on boiling liquids probably twice a week.

so i've made a minor adjustment to the billboard.

*1 cup white sugar, 1 cup brown sugar, 1 cup water. bring to a boil, stirring frequently. serve hot. so much cheaper and tastier and more sugary than store-bought syrup. careful though because the leading cause of scalds is hot liquids and foods and if you spill it on your face you'll be pretty sad forever.

i'm thankful that...

2010-11-25T05:40:00.000-08:00

...canada has our thanksgiving in october.

because yesterday i had popcorn popped in rancid oil and it made my tongue taste like metallic scum and then the headlights on my car died right before i needed to drive in the dark and then i completely lost my car keys anyway [my car is still parked on the other side of town] and my phone died while i was trying to call barclay to come get me.

oh silly me.

i'm thankful for popcorn and for a car and for a cell phone and for my friend, karz, who let me use her phone, and for barclay, who did eventually come get me and for rosemary triscuits for taking the taste of rancid oil out of my mouth and throat.

and really, it's been a completely colossal week. i had a couple of those coffee dates where you sit there for hours and hours and talk about every single thing possible and leave feeling like your brain got a polish and deep-tissue massage. barclay had some time off and we got to hang out and play in the snow and drink coffee and watch full house. we went for supper and our hosts let us eat dessert first. we wondered why we don't always do that, and might from now on. because really, WHY NOT? we left there with full tummies and another deep-tissue brain massage and polish.

seriously, my brain feels like it's going to bloom daisies. i have a lot to be thankful for. so.
three cheers for americans and their late holidays. i'll celebrate with you all.

but i think i still have to go to work.

snow angles

2010-11-23T13:28:00.000-08:00

yesterday, crystal kimber inspired me. you can read the post here, a lovely post all about winter and unspoiled snow and--the very thought--snow angles.

now, barclay loved math in high school, so snow angles should be a thing right up his alley--and i'm on my mission to love all things winter, so i should probably take up playing in the snow, i think.

by that logic, of course, snow angles are the perfect couple bonding activity for us.

he was out shoveling the walk, and it was only minus 12--not bad for november 23--so i quickly sewed some new buttons on my boots [that's what you get for shopping at giant tiger] and rushed out to meet him.

oh, the fun! we made right snow angles,

acute snow angles,

obtuse snow angles,

and even full body snow angles.

we bonded over math and winter.

mm, my two favorite things. thanks, crystal!

happy: a paper rant

2010-11-21T20:13:00.001-08:00

mercy buckets

2010-11-20T20:11:00.000-08:00

hoh! i need to thank people and then hurry to bed so i can get up at 4 am tomorrow morning!

thank you, marcie. for showing me these:

shot by french photographer, sacha goldberger.

his 91-year-old hungarian grandmother, frederika, was feeling a wee bit "blue"...

and what better way to cheer up your 91-year-old hungarian grandmother frederika?

that'd do it, i'm sure.

you can see the rest of the collection here. make sure you thank marcie too.
if you don't know marcie, i can pass your thanks on for you.

and thank you biscuit, for your lovely post today. you made me feel like a rock star.

poetry

2010-11-19T14:31:00.000-08:00

poetry is beautiful, isn't it? it expresses the things that you want to say but can't. it gives you an outlet, a pretty, magical, glittery outlet. i'm big into poetry lately.
today, actually, mostly.
anyway, the point is not that.
the point is that i wrote this poem two years ago during the coldest part of my life. things weren't making a lot of sense that day, and i was feeling pretty numb. instead of writing an essay about my feelings, i delved into my skillz from grade eight english and came up with a single verse that pretty much summed everything up. and even though it didn't make me feel better, it made me feel heard. and maybe, just maybe, that is better.
i'm back there again today, and decided to dig this up and share it again.
i call it, "i'm really cold."

それが私の思考の外のこの冷たい凍るすべての開始時。
そしてバックアップを再度始めるとき、日本語のすべてある*

*translation: when it is this cold outside my thoughts all start to freeze,
and when they start back up again, they’re all in Japanese.
by suzy

i thought, in light of the fact that this weekend's forecast is -30, this poem was fitting.
i love winter. i love it.

storm-stayed in my bedroom, eating chocolate chips

2010-11-18T18:36:00.000-08:00

hi.

i love winter. i love it. i love love love it so much.

did you realize how easy it is to like something you hate just by deciding to?

surprisingly.

but the point is not that.

the point is that i just remembered that last week i posted a riddle:

"my left foot is right and my right foot is not."

did you guess it yet? probably not, it's kind of a silly riddle. the answer has to do with the socks i'm wearing.

see?

it's thursday. so my left foot is right...

anyways, i'm sorry about that, guys; i feel like most of you are groaning and saying how stupid that was.

one last thing:

for those of you who wanted to see the rest of my vacation pictures from last week, {such as you, jenglen} you can see them here. i simply don't feel like spending all night uploading.

cheers!

ice drinks: a paper rant

2010-11-16T15:26:00.000-08:00

*disclaimer: i wrote this while i was on an airplane that was turbulancing all over the place and i thought i was going to die. so if there are squiggly lines, or if the thought process is off, that's my excuse. it is valid.

david crowder interview

2010-11-15T16:56:00.000-08:00

here, before i say anything, listen to these:

do you know of david crowder?
well, luckily for you, two weeks ago while brushing my teeth i decided, in between spits, to interview him so that, even if you've never heard of him, you can knowledgeably spout useless information about him to your friends/boss/parents/sister/bus driver. and luckily for me, once i decide to do something, i do it.

and so i did.

here is an excerpt from our conversation.

i opened by saying my hihowareyous, and then saying something about how his songs and music videos were brilliant--because they absolutely are. i didn't want to sound like too much of a suck-up though, and besides, famous people are just people with the word "famous" in front, so we cut pretty quick to the q&a section of the interview. my first question was in light of all of his previous song-writing experience.

me: if you could take credit for having written any song, book, or--
dc: happy birthday.
me: what. just cuts me off--you didn't let me finish my question.
dc: oh, sorry. go on.
me: ok. if you could take credit for having written any song, book, or movie, what would you pick?
dc: mmm...yeah. i'm sticking with happy birthday.
me: really. any book. ANY movie. there are a lot of good books out there. a lot of good songs...
dc: yes, but what of them has brought as much happiness to people all around the world for ages and ages as happy birthday? happy birthday. i pick happy birthday. definitely.
me: ok.

i thought this answer was sub-par, for the record. i was hoping for a deep literary reference or obscure hard-to-watch indie movie, or even a track off a gaither's album. but nope, there it was. happy birthday. he continued to defend his answer, but i just shook my head, and launched into my next question, hoping he'd do better with it, because after all--did you watch that first music video?

me: so david, you're invited to a halloween party--
dc: thank you.
me: yeah, ok, so you're invited to this halloween costume party, and you can use whatever props you want--money is no object, and neither is reality. you want to be a cave man and bring a dinosaur, you can; you want to be a surfer and bring the ocean, you can: what would you be?
dc: wow. wow. uh..i don't think...i've ever been asked that before. good. good question. wow. um....

here i wait patiently. i mostly look at his beard a lot.

dc: ok. i know this is going to sound like a safe answer, and maybe boring, probably, but i, actually, would be a firefighter.
me: a firefighter. happy birthday, and a firefighter. really.
dc: ok, ok, but my props would be a firetruck--a firetruck and one of those dogs that always ride around in firetrucks. that would be pretty cool, i think.
me: oh, well ok. well that'd be good then. and fire?
dc: i'm worried about the fire. i don't think i'd have fire.
me: no? you're a fireman. you can bring any, any prop, and you wouldn't bring some fire? a dog and a truck, no fire. happy birthday, and a fireless firefighter.
dc: well...no. no, i don't think that'd be very safe.
me: you could get someone to hold a lighter and walk around the party and you could occasionally put it out, if you wanted.
dc: OH! yeah. yeah, i'd do that. that'd be ok, i'm sure.
me: my sister here, she could do that for you.
dc: she could wear a fire-retardant suit and we could set her on fire for the night, i suppose, hey? if she was willing?
me: you went from being afraid to have fire to setting my little sister on fire. extreme. but yeah, if she's willing. sure.

we worked on the logistics of that for a bit. for the sake of not dragging this on, next question:

me: ok. so last question.
dc: go for it.
me: ok, so say you meet yourself walking down the street, and you're still yourself, but so is the you that you meet. right?
dc: right...?
me: ok. so you talk to yourself for about an hour: from this first impression, what do you think is the strangest thing about yourself?
dc: you need to reword that question. you should ask me, "what do you think is not strange about yourself"...and then i probably would have a very hard time answering that.

i thanked him for his time and we went our separate ways. i was glad to know him a little bit better, but wanted to get my little sister safely away from him, lest he start her on fire.

one week later

2010-11-14T06:46:00.000-08:00

honey, i'm home.

i hope you had a nice week. i did, except that i'm terribly paranoid and thought i was going to die this week at least one time per day, sometimes several. especially on friday.
i took some pictures with my trusty new disposable camera and, as per usual, my cell phone. i'm still waiting for the nice camera fairy to light on my windowsill and endow me with an xlr3000000025qpr super supreme with five different lenses and a fancy carrying bag and the skills to use it but for now, these will have to do.

a nifty van i found parked right in the exact perfect spot.

a boat we lived on for a week.

enter sandman.

[underneath the sand is a barclay.]

a colossal sunset painted just for me, probably.

miami, too cool for school.

my family playing by the ocean.

the winner of my personal pretend graffiti awards.

i spy with my little eye, a boat. can you see it?

they are nice for laying in. getting out is the pits.

my sister took this. to me, it symbolizes strength.

my sister also took this. moving sidewalks are the most.

i'd never seen a tightrope walker before. i almost peed my pants.

(at first there, i accidentally typed, "i almost peed his pants." pretty impossible, as you can see how high up his pants actually are.)

i have to go get ready for church. i'll talk at you later, and maybe post more pictures, if you don't mind. haaaave a nice day, and you stay classy blogosphere.

i'm wide awake it's [4:30 in the] morning

2010-11-07T02:45:00.000-08:00

i might not blog very much this week. i might, but i might not. and i'm not going to do that post afterwards that everyone does where they're all like, "i'm sorry i've been neglecting my blog,"
because i'm doing that post now:

i'm sorry i've been neglecting my blog. [in the future.]

though i'm not sure why we do this post: is anyone out there in cyberspace actually going to be mad at someone else for not writing on their blog? in any case, if you do get mad at me, how about you click one of those buttons on the side or something and leave scattered comments on very old posts from 2008 when i worked at staples and hated my life, pretending i posted them this week.

oh look at that, it's 4:44 am. i should probably get on with my day now; the world is spinning on without me.

have a looooovely week.

i'm giggling like an idiot

2010-11-05T12:19:00.000-07:00

but just on the inside though.
i have something to declare [not "say", i don't mean "say", because i don't want to just "say" this, i mean i really want to "DECLARE" this]:
God is Good.
this is a beautiful, magical week, and all the little things are going right. the big things seem to be following right along with them. all of the things in a nice little line, going right.
one of the big things is that i think my new medication might be working; [i'm trying really hard not to get my hopes up but] i have not felt so much like myself in 8 months.
all day i've been thinking about how it's like i left the house i grew up in on the first of april, and moved into an apartment down the street, one with no electricity and no windows, and this week for the first time since, i'm back in my home -- sleeping in my bed, eating meals in the living room and visiting with friends late into the night on the kitchen floor. i don't know how long it will last, or if i'll be "home" forever, but i'm loving it right now. i'm loving it like i love opening a brand new tube of toothpaste and using it before anyone.

i should also say this: God is still Good when things are not beautiful and magical. it's true.
and maybe i need to say it more often.

i also have a riddle for you to solve:
my left foot is right and my right foot is not.

solve.

that's why my friends call me whiskers

2010-11-03T22:11:00.000-07:00

we were making something.
supper, i think. [and to those of you who call supper "dinner", i say, "shsh."]
anyway, i was stirring something {kraft dinner, i think} and that was when he ducked out of the kitchen for a minute, because either he needed to get something in another room or he was pushing the play button on the tape deck again, and that was when i pulled a clumsy and, while reaching for the salt shaker, knocked the porcelain bowl off the counter. and then time

slowed
and
stopped.

i was able to calmly and accurately evaluate the situation: my flailing hands, my beloved porcelain pajama-patterned bowl--mid-flight, that old man across the street that i always see everywhere but don't know where he lives. and in that split second, i swung around, 180 degrees, quietly reached out my hand and made the catch. out of thin air. and then time

sped up and we were back in full swing again, bowl intact. i was pleased with myself.
"barclay!" i screamed, "i am like a jungle cat!"
as if jungle cats could catch falling things or something. but i meant it to mean that i felt very agile and cool. like maybe a tiger.

but upon further examination, it may have just been a lucky catch.

the thing about the piano

2010-11-02T11:46:00.000-07:00

i forgot to actually say what it was i found in my living room upon arriving home on friday.

silly me.

the thing about the piano is this [i'm sorry if you've heard this before]:

february 2008, i watched a movie with my friend sara. it was about a boy and a girl, and of course it was a love story, and of course i was single and thought i'd never be married. at the end of the movie, he buys her a piano--thus began my firm belief that a piano was probably the most romantic gift a guy could ever give to a girl. hence, my facebook status the next day:

happiness is a guy who will buy a girl a piano instead of stupid old flowers.

*note: in the event that someday a guy does buy me flowers, i will probly not think it is stupid. however, in the event that someday a guy buys me a piano...i will drop everything and marry him.

Added February 9, 2008 · Comment · Like

it can't have been a coincidence that that was the night that sara told me that i was going to marry her friend barclay krause, who i'd never met, who lived 3 hours away in a town i'd solemnly swore i'd never inhabit. you can read that whole story here.

but the point is not that. the point is that after our first meeting, i went home and somewhat rashly facebook messaged this little bit to a few of my closest friends:

Elena Christensen May 6, 2008 at 11:11pm

GUYS!!! i met my future husband tonight!

and while i was doing THAT, he was facebook creeping me, and he found the above facebook status about a guy buying a girl a piano. we each found out about each others' may 6 evening activities on march 12, 2009, the night he asked me to marry him, at which point he said that he had money put away to buy me a piano, but no place to put it yet.

when we bought our first house, on may 29, 2009, it was absolutely not in the state to be lived in, nor, at 480 square feet, was there any room for such a massive instrument. we poured so much time and effort into making that house livable, but squeezing a piano in there seemed a bit extreme.

and yet on friday, there it was. my very own 88-keyed, black and white and brown all over, studio piano. squished right in there with the love seat and chesterfield.

i spent my afternoon yesterday alternately playing old royal conservatory pieces and scales on my new piano, and painting up some pictures to hang above it.

ah. j'aime bien.

happy halloween, love t-swift and a-schwab

2010-10-31T21:36:00.000-07:00

on this the eve of halloween

2010-10-30T18:24:00.000-07:00

sometimes i get tired of writing on my blog and go write on other peoples' blogs. actually, that only happened once. and this is that once. guest post at korree's!

starting the weekend off on a good note

2010-10-30T08:37:00.000-07:00

today, i am feeling can't-help-but-have-a-wee-billion-watt-smile-on-at-all-times happy. because yesterday i came home and there was something and someone in the house, and i'd been waiting two and a half years for this exact moment, for this exact someone and this exact something to be in this exact place.
i'm exactly happy.

[besides the fact that this morning, my hot chocolate tastes like swamp water. that is disgusting.]

but the point is not that.
the point is that karz called yesterday shortly after i got home and i made her guess what the something in my house was, because i love making people guess things.
i excitedly gave her hints, and barclay chimed in with his own from the kitchen where he was making supper:

"it's got some really sharp places."
"and some really flat places too."
"hammers!"
"it's black and white and brown all over."
"strings and pedals!"
"keys, but no locks."

she guessed computer, coat rack, couch, and tv before she guessed what it actually was. i don't think she was listening to my clues very well.

the dawn of a new era and a gnome

2010-10-27T19:05:00.000-07:00

it usually takes me 10 minutes to drive to work. today, due to a malicious snow storm, it took me 45, meaning i was about half an hour late. and when i got there, i found this:

i'd never seen one in real life before and now here it was, standing on the kitchen counter for no good reason, staring amicably at me with unblinking blue eyes. plasticine, or whatever, has never made me feel so unsettled.

but the point is not that.
the point is that i have decided not to hate winter anymore.

i've spent my whole life either dreading or hating that fourth and foulest season, kvetching and grouching, making lists of reasons and more reasons to fuel into full-fledged flame my loathing fire, angry january tears hardening into delicate ice crystal droplets on my frost-bitten cheek [yes, it really is that bad]. [it really is.]

but last night, i decided that the winter of 2010/11 is going to be different. and i have a game plan: i am going to pretend to love it until i actually do.
i'm going to talk all the time about how beautiful it is, how clean it feels, how cozy i feel looking out at it, how fun it is to bundle up, yada yada yada. i'm going to make myself sick.

and i'm going to vomit cheery little snowflakes.

so here it is, my very first reason that i just love winter:
1. i can wear mittens. do you know what this means? this means my germophobic self can actually touch things in public! door handles, arm rests, handrails; a whole new world has opened up to me!
I LOVE WINTER!

sms: a paper rant

2010-10-26T09:28:00.000-07:00

the truth about the weekend

2010-10-22T13:55:00.000-07:00

it is friday.

but you didn't need me to tell you that.

you've had friday scratching at your door all week,

while monday dripped down the back of your neck like an ice cube

and tuesday perched on your shoulder and pecked at your ears

and wednesday layed down and died beneath you, so you had to find a new way to get to thursday,

thursday, which seemed like it'd never come--and when it came, like it'd never leave.

but it did and here we are

and tomorrow, somehow, it will be monday again.

because saturday and sunday don't really exist.

because we just pretend they do so we don't go crazy.

greasly chips and birdhouses

2010-10-20T16:29:00.000-07:00

if there's anything i've learned from web logging, it is that it is cool to be "into" something.
even better if the something that you're "into" is something that no one else thought of being "into" or if what you're "into" is something that people think is a dorky thing to get "into" but you're cool so the thing you're "into" is by association now cool and other people want to get "into" it too.
furthermore, it is good to appear to not want to be thought of as cool and to say what you are now "into" in kind of a sheepish tone, and then take a lot of pictures of yourself doing that thing and get tattoos of related-to-that-thing things. then you wait. and if you are a cool enough person, this thing will become a trend and a bunch of other people will be "into" it too.

so lately i'm into listening to radio dramas. radio dramas trump tv and books because you can listen while doing 1000 piece puzzles and you won't miss anything.

the point, however, is not all that.
the point is that last week i listened to a 30-episode radio drama about a company that figures out how to turn brain waves to radio waves, thus creating a way for disabled or bedridden people to operate equipment with their mind. the research for that project was then stolen by a larger company who intended on reversing the process [radio waves to brain waves] in order to control the entire population of the world by sending out subliminal orders via radio waves.
to test the whole rigamarole out, they send out radio waves influencing the people of the world to buy greasly chips. and the whole world goes out and buys greasly chips. they then send out more waves telling the world to buy birdhouses. and they buy birdhouses. then it's fizzy cola. and everyone in the world has more than enough fizzy cola.

now i'm not a paranoid person, but has anyone around here noticed the owls? everyone all of a sudden loves owls. now i'm not saying owls are not cute, i'm saying why is 4 quarters of the blogosphere suddenly obsessed with owls?
indie music. cupcakes. knitting. photography, and, in the same vein, polaroids. thrifting, anthropologie. weheartit. twitter. all good things. but why doesn't anyone not like them? why doesn't someone in the blogosphere embrace rap music and polar bears?

is someone out there just THAT cool?
or is someone out there just THAT cool, AND they have figured out how to turn internet waves to brain waves?

DISCLAIMER: this was not a rant about the inherent evils of knitting and photography. i'm about to learn how to knit from my mother in law, and if i could take a picture like kelly ann or amyschmamey or any of most of the blogs i read, i would be a happy camper. also: i LOVE indie music and i saw an owl the other day that was pretty dang cute. i thought to myself, "that is a cute owl for sure." i'm not throwing my proverbial fist in the air and rebelling against conformity, i just thought i'd comment on my blogosphere observances thus far. and i do seriously wonder why we all just so happen to listen to the same kind of music and do and love most of the same things. it is kind of trippy, don't you think? is it because the sort of people who blog are the sort of people who like those things, or is it that we are in fact just that influenced by the blogs we read?

do it yourownself: the oreo slide

2010-10-17T20:41:00.000-07:00

update: check out kara's boyfriend doing the oreo slide over at sunshine cupcakes!
more oreo sliding at peas & thank you. :)

in which i answer and ask

2010-10-15T10:48:00.000-07:00

on a scale from 1 - 10, i am feeling much better today. most likely it's a combination of an extra chocolate mocha with karz last night, turning on the radio to hear a new metric song this morning, a lovely card from kiersten, and a lot of people taking my side on the whole ticket issue. it is amazing how good it feels to have someone take your side, even when you know you're still technically in the wrong. i feel vindicated, even though i still owe 125 dollars for that block i drove with a foggy windshield.

i have something pretty fantastic to share with you but it's friday and i feel like i should save it for sunday or monday. no, it's not a secret or anything, just something. you can wait. hold your proverbial horses.

in the meantime, i did something just now that i never do.
amylou tagged me in a survey thing, and it brought me back to the days of myspace when i loved filling out surveys.
so i did it. and then i'm supposed to tag 8 people to answer 8 new questions of my own choosing.

1. What is your favorite song right now?
maybe hysteric by the yeah yeah yeahs. maybe tonight by lykke li. but maybe okay delore by dragonette. i can't pick just one.

2. Your Christmas traditions?
last year we slept under the tinsel tree. so, maybe that'll be tradition.

3. Name a favorite movie or several?
mm, have you seen the majestic? currently, i love that one quite lots.

4. Early Bird or Night Owl?
neither. i'm tired all of the time.

5. What is your favorite perfume?
truthfully, i don't think i've ever worn perfume. i just buy nice-smelling shampoo.

6. What item must be with you at all times?
my cell phone. it is my fourth limb, my third eye, my second mouth. i am pathetic.

7. Favorite childhood toy?
books. more specifically, books with flaps that you could open or hidden pictures or buttons that made funny sounds. interactive books. books that came with tapes that read along with you and made a cute chime noise when it was time to turn the page.

8. Your go to pair of jeans....you know the ones =)....what brand are they?
i'm still searching for that special pair.
my questions:
1. if you could take complete credit for having written any book, which book would you pick?
2. what was the last lie you told?
3. if you could be someone else for a day, who would you pick to be?
4. do you think my ears are too big?
5. do you think your ears are too big?
6. favorite coffee shop drink.
7. if you had the power to be invisible, would you keep it a secret? i mean, i think i would. i think people wouldn't like to be friends with a person who had the power to be invisible.
8. do you like discussing controversial topics, or do you like to stick to the safe ones?

i tag you, you, you, you, you, you, you, and you.
{i'm sorry, i've always had commitment problems. i just want everyone to play.}
{[if you do, comment and let me know and i'll link to you here so people can read your answers.]}

april played...
becca played too. :)
aaaand so did kiersten!
also sydney!!

next year maybe i will read this and laugh my head off

2010-10-13T16:39:00.000-07:00

today i really should have stayed in bed. i try not to say that phrase too much because i don't want to be a debbie downer and i don't like whining, but today it's not so much emotional as financial.
because it just would have been cheaper to stay in bed today.

i woke up feeling sick and weepy. you know what i mean by weepy right? i don't mean emotional. i mean beyond that. like if emotional is a street lamp, weepy is like some star a billion light-years beyond it. i mean if i were to watch dumb and dumber right now, i would probably cry at the part where lloyd and harry get mad at each other. it's like that.

most people call in sick when they're sick. i only call in sick when i can't get out of bed, otherwise i wouldn't really have a job anymore. so i sit up, and if that goes ok i stand up, and if i'm still good i walk upstairs to where barclay is making brekkie [he makes me turkey bacon and eggs every single morning, i'm not even making that up] and if the food goes down ok then i'm good to go. sort of.
to make a long story a teensy bit shorter, this morning i ended up deciding to go to work.

i got in my car, backed out of the driveway, and started down the street, realizing at the moment that i started to go forward that my windshield was a bit on the foggy side. i could see out of it but felt like i should probably wipe it all off anyway. so, at the next available chunk of side-of-the-road [about a block or two later], i pulled over and got out of the vehicle.

sirens, lights, sirens, lights. i jumped out of my skin and back into my car. oh my heart.
i think that policemen should not be allowed to just sneak up behind you and just blare their sirens right in your ear. i made sure to give him a look that said 'how rude!' i made sure to point it at my steering wheel instead of him so that he wouldn't get mad at me.

but he got mad anyway. he came and yelled at me about killing people and driving dangerously and killing people and driving dangerously and paying a fine. and then he gave me a ticket. not a movie ticket, not a concert ticket, a, like, a ticket ticket. for 125 bucks, for having a foggy windshield. and i sat there and cried and cried because that's what happens when you yell at a weepy girl, these weird snort/sob/gaspy/wail things. he probably thought it was me trying to get sympathy but i didn't need his sympathy; i felt sorry for myself enough for the both of us.

at this point, please do not comment and say, "well he was right, you shouldn't have been driving with a foggy windshield."
because i know that. that's why i pulled over. it's just lame and i'm weepy and i feel like my head is falling off.
and yes, tomorrow, i'll absolutely wipe my window off before i leave.

anyway, here is a picture of a house that i took with my phone on sunday. i thought it looked nice in person, and i think it sort of looks nice in picture too.

the weekend of five

2010-10-12T07:51:00.000-07:00

this weekend reminded me a lot of being five. because because because because because...

1. barclay and i went to my parent's farm. that's where i hung out most when i was five. [because i lived there.]

2. on saturday morning before brekkie, we went outside and jumped on the trampoline and rode bikes in our pajamas. do you know how much i love being outside in pajamas?
more than you think times 12 is how much.

3. after brekkie, we built a fort in the trees. and yes, i was still in my pajamas.

4. dad got out the gun and the boys shot pop cans off the front porch.

5. we played in the coolest tree house of all times.

6. a happy host of other reasons such as eating like i had the metabolism of a 5 year old, building puzzles and playing games on the floor of the living room, family movie night, and crokinole.

on the way home, we got stuck in 10 km/h traffic like one can only do in the prairies.

all in all, i give thanksgiving weekend 2010 a massive thumbs up, or one pickle.

how was yours? [i realize you're not all canadian. so you'll have to wait a while to answer this question i guess.]

tipping at fast food restaurants: a paper rant

2010-10-07T10:52:00.000-07:00

hot diggity...

2010-10-06T09:31:00.000-07:00

i've been really scattered lately. life is nuts. i have a million paper rants in my head, and they're not doing so well at making it down my arms to my hands and onto paper because, due to a massive thought crash, there seems to be a traffic jam in one of the lateral lobes of the ol' cerebellum.
until that gets cleared up, i leave you with a picture of my friend ben's friend's hot dog.

i challenge you to think of a better halloween costume for your pet than that.

one dilly of a performance review

2010-10-03T19:42:00.000-07:00

on friday, my boss gave me a pickle and it was the size of a thumbs up.

i took it to mean that he is pleased with my performance and is going to give me a raise or extra vacation time in the near future.

hopefully not just a pickle the size of a thumbs up.

welcome to the twilight zone...

2010-10-01T12:20:00.000-07:00

There is a fifth dimension, beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination, a dimension of sound, a dimension of sight, a dimension of mind. You're moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas; you've just crossed over into the Twilight Zone... [-rod serling]

it was saturday, september 25. almost a week ago now. the streets were packed, the skies were only slightly cloudy, and they were lost.

being lost is a fine thing, when you don't really have anywhere in particular you're going to in the first place, and this was the case for the young couple on this day. it is arguable then that in this instance they were not technically "lost", just aimless, but in either case they absolutely did not know where they were.

they'd arrived in the city just then, and were looking for something to do. it didn't need to be something extraordinary, just needed to be something to pass the time together. they'd come here for no other reason.

somebody's car alarm was going off, a police siren sang in the background, construction workers pounded away at the cement in a closed lane. a student driver gas-braked his way through the noise. car horns blared: "YOU'RE GOING TOO SLOW" "YOU'RE GOING TOO FAST" "I'M GOING TO RUN YOU OVER" "YOU ARE TOO UGLY TO DRIVE A CAR" "GET OFF THE ROAD".

it is a wonder there are not more traffic accidents. it is a wonder, with all this going on, that there is room for anyone to actually drive.

"can't find a parking spot..." he mumbled as he inched through the city with the mass of cars. she was draped over her seat, searching in the back for a sweater. it was an easier thing to find than a parking spot.

a sign: PARKING GARAGE. an arrow. good.

he pulled up to the doors, pushed the button on the parking machine. the bar lifted, the door opened, "please take your ticket."

he did. it had the parking rates and directions on the back.

it was eerie, the way that the garage door closed behind them.

when you drive into a city, you don't notice the horns, the sirens, the hum of thousands of people in a hurry. you hear it far off without really knowing that you're hearing it and it builds into a solid sound that doesn't make any noise. but as they drove into the parking garage and the door closed behind them, they heard a sound that was louder than the collective city murmur: nothing.

she was instantly uneasy. white walls, concrete everything, not a single car in sight.

"well, i guess we have our pick of parking spots."

they parked, got out of their car. he took her hand and they followed the exit signs across and down and out a door, back onto the busy street.

they'd been walking for some time, ducking into thrift shops and music stores here and there, stopping once for a cup of coffee too. there were no familiar faces, and they loved the anonymity that came with a strange place.

the time flew by and his feet got tired and she felt hungry and they'd seen all the shops and walked down all the streets, seen at least five different wedding parties take jumping pictures in front of a street light. it was time to find their car again.

they walked down that street--king's street, he thought it had been. they found the sign, the doors with the bars. there was the exit door they'd come out of. there was nothing--no handle, knob, no crash bar. just a lock. a locked lock. a very unhelpful, irritating, locked lock. they looked up. the building looked old. run down.

there was no way in.

he pulled the parking ticket stub from his pocket, to see if there were directions on it.

it was blank.

they looked up, and the building was gone. and so were they. and so was the world.

aliens, i think.

no, not really. barclay had just misplaced the actual ticket stub. we found it a few seconds later, and it had directions to a different entrance down the street. nevertheless, i hummed the twilight zone theme song for the rest of the day.

sticky thoughts

2010-09-29T14:29:00.000-07:00

today is a thinking day.

in a good way, though. some people, when they say, 'i've got a lot on my mind' don't mean it in a good way, but i do--i mean it in a very good way. like, maybe those people feel like they have a bowl of centipedes on their mind, but i feel like i have some rolo ice cream up there. it's like that.

hm.

a better metaphor: today my head feels more tall than wide because it is piling up with a single row of neatly-stacked ideas and thoughts, scribbled with a blue ballpoint pen on yellow post-its.

some of the metaphorical notes say nice things like, "it's a good day to go for a walk after work," and others say frustrating things like, "you've forgotten something important, i'm pretty sure," and some of the notes have plans or pictures or stories and there's the odd blank one. [is that normal?]

but most of the notes have the same few words on them, traced over and over a hundred times so hard that they've indented the papers beneath them. these ones were written last night at 2 am by my tired yet overactive brain and i don't really know what to do with them yet.

i rifle through my sticky-notes and, 5 out of 6 times, come up with one of these.

and i smile and put it back, leave it for later, draw it out again, put it back.

i can't tell you what it says though.
because that is a secret for now.

from the passenger seat

2010-09-28T21:57:00.000-07:00

this weekend found me in one of my favorite places: the passenger seat

contentedly snapping pictures with my cheap camera phone through a window covered in bug guts.

skyscrapers, sunsets, prairies, city lights

barclay drove.

we listened to our favorite cds

and played trivial pursuit

and sometimes i wished i had a nice camera

but i kind of like crappy cell phone pictures

and bug guts

I roll the window down

And then begin to breathe in

The darkest country road

And the strong scent of evergreen

From the passenger seat as you are driving me home.

Then looking upwards

I strain my eyes and try

To tell the difference between shooting stars and satellites

From the passenger seat as you are driving me home.

"Do they collide?"

I ask and you smile.

With my feet on the dash

The world doesn't matter.

"passenger seat" - death cab for cutie

2010-09-27T13:34:00.001-07:00

today, i can't stop pushing the whatever you do, don't push this button button.

i might not get anything else done.

[thanks morgana]

a year ago yesterday!

2010-09-27T09:49:00.000-07:00

and i am ridiculously happy.

[random information: dress was my mom's, husband is barclay krause, cake was angel food cake, and modeled {by our mothers} after a sandcastle we made the summer we met, church was a little white country church my parents were married in, ring was designed by barclay, pictures taken by joy ostrander, wedding party was fabulous, day was perfect.]

chandel[ear]s

2010-09-23T20:38:00.000-07:00

tuesday is unflinchingly, absolutely, definitely date night as much as possible, though sometimes it just doesn't work out.

we had a coupon for this restaurant we love, and that is a very good reason to eat out. so.

i was getting dressed and trying to find my black chandelier earrings because they are maybe the only dangly earrings i own and they make me feel like my hair is longer than it is.

they were not anywhere.

i came upstairs to ask barclay if he'd seen them when i walked past the dining room.

do you see what i see?

absolutely you do: legit chandelearrings.

and this is my best "yes, it's true. i disassembled the light fixture so i could wear it" face.

poetree

2010-09-22T10:45:00.000-07:00

some people knit sweaters for cats or for dogs

some people knit mittens for kids

some people knit toques [to wear when they ski]

but i've never seen nothin like this.

{you should always carry your camera phone with you wherever you go in case you run into a tree that grows yarn fruit.}

"what are you knitting, gramma?"

"a sweater for my tree."

i updated the whatever you do don't push this button button. just so you know.

the whatever you do don't push this button button and what happens if you do, in fact, push it

2010-09-21T08:19:00.000-07:00

i have added a necessary button to my web log: the whatever you don't push this button button.
because sometimes i'm looking around the internet or other web logs and i find something i like and i feel like sharing it. so, henceforth, i will link to whatever it is from the whatever you do don't push this button button on the sidebar.
so, friends, exercise your rebel fingers and push the whatever you do don't push this button button. i'll update it every once in a while. maybe weekly, or daily. depending on the amount of nice things i come across.

today, it's a link to biscuit's giveaway where you can enter to win a box of cereal. in the mail.
cereal in the mail, happy thought indeed.
[if you can tell me what that's a sort-of quote from, you are fantastic.]

movies these days: a paper rant

2010-09-20T07:05:00.000-07:00

yarnsnakes and motorbikes

2010-09-18T22:23:00.000-07:00

i thought maybe it was the end of the world.

if you've read my blog for any amount of time at all, you know that i quite often think it's the end of the world. there's something wrong with me, i think.

barclay and i both hear the same noise; he thinks, "oh, the neighbor is mowing his lawn," i think, "oh, the world is ending."

but today i really really thought it.

but it was just 100 or so motorbikes driving past our house, up and down the street, for about half an hour. and car horns honking, and police sirens.

can you maybe understand why it sounded a little bit similar to the end of the world? especially considering i have never been privy to a world's end before and don't really know what it's going to sound like.

anyways. the point is not that.

the point is,

these are our walking shoes.

we took them out today, for a walk.

after all the motorbikes drove away.

it was one of those very fantastic walks.

the sun was out and the people were out and we were out.

can a walk get much better?

indubitably.

we made plans for next weekend and he walked on the outside of the sidewalk so i wouldn't accidentally get hit by a car.

or a stray motorbike that got left behind by its herd.

we saw a big open canvas book by the street where anyone could draw or paint whatever they wanted with the provided sharpie markers.

we walked on, because i wasn't brave enough to draw anything.

then we found a most pleasant find:

someone had yarnbombed our neighborhood!

there were yarn snakes on fences, yarn leaves on poles, yarn hats hanging in store windows.

i wish someone had thought to yarnbomb lauren's broken car bumper on our front lawn.

[lauren, your broken car bumper is still on our front lawn. just so you know.]

we strolled on, down the street, past a music festival where a lady gave us free bannock and coffee and helium balloons.

i lost my balloons at a traffic light.

we held hands and talked about stuff.

we bought the newest maylene and the sons of disaster cd.

we saw a man hanging from a church.

we saw a group of adults playing children's games in the park,

and the most beee-yootiful graffiti.

[whoever parked straight in front of it is not on my favorite people list today.]

wandering on, we saw a man sitting by the street painting. he wasn't very good, but he laid his artwork out for anyone to look at if they wanted to.

i thought that was nice and brave and good of him.

i guess he sort of inspired me because on our way back home, past the church and the bannock and the funny adults and the tree and the yarnbombing, i drew on the canvas book.

and of course i drew handflowers.

because handflowers are my favorite thing to draw.

my shoes have so many holes in them that when we arrived home, they kind of fell off of my feet.

nostalgia munchers

2010-09-16T21:33:00.000-07:00

i found my cell phone. it was right where i left it [of course it was] and upon locating it i quickly checked to see what my phone number was. i think i have it memorized now.

now i'm trying to find something else.
i'm trying to find the game word munchers online. do you remember word munchers? and oregon trail and where in the world is carmen sandiego?--all those computer games on floppy disks that you played on the old apple computers with the pixilated green graphics and the sound effects that were like, "whah whah-whah whah-whah, plingdilingdilingdilingdiling! whah whah-whah whah--"?

sound effects are hard to type i guess.
anyways, the point is not that, the point is not anything except that it's one of those nights where i'm feeling overly nostalgic and like i need need need to play word munchers.

i was talking to someone the other day about violence in video games and about how games are getting so much more violent and just think about when these kids grow up and make their own video games--how violent are those going to be considering what they're used to-- but just think: the people who think up these present day violent games grew up on word munchers. and oregon trail. and they ended up at call of duty.
the next generation's in trouble, i think.
well. good night.

neurotic

2010-09-15T17:07:00.000-07:00

my cell phone is bright green.
the color of a traffic light telling you to go go go get going get gone
i looked and looked and couldnt find my cell phone anywhere in the house and you'd think you'd think you'd think it would be easy to find something so bright somewhere in someplace so small but it's not it wasn't and it drove me up the wall
hufffffffffffff....
that is the sound of me trying to calm down.

i will be real with you: i get worked up really easy these days. and then from up it's a long way down and i'm afraid of heights.
but a missing cell phone is ok, i'm ok, it's ok.

i give up and decide to call it from my home phone. enough running up stairs down stairs from room to room and up stairs again, i'll just call it.
beep beep beep-beep beep beep beep
ring
ring
ring
ring
click: you have reached the voice mail of samantha brown. i am not able to take your call right now--

what.

beep beep beep-beep beep beep beep
ring
ring
ring
ring

click: you have reached the voice mail of samantha brown. i am not able to take your call right now--

i hang up, confused.
i don't know my phone number.